How many times did I watch Die Hard and its many squeals last year? I probably only watched the original — still the best — at least six times. The second one is probably my least favorite, it feels forced, I think only viewed that twice. Maybe three times. The third one? I'm a big fan of the third one. Sam Jackson is great and it gets the verve, the heart, the style from the original. At least five times. The fourth I wasn't actually a huge fan of. It's probably my third favorite, still ahead of the second one. But it's on all the time. I watched that one, geez, 12 times. So all told we're talking about 25 times. Wow. Where does the time? Almost as many times as we've seen a variation of the ChiefPontiaxe joke made in the D.C. abandoned car post. But it's still funny.
My name is Farouk Bakoh, a Solicitor/Notary public, and very active in the legal practice in Nigeria. I am also an in-law to the late President, Grand Marquis Sanni Abacha. Now Grand Marquis Abacha is dead, and Mohammed the first son is facing a lot of persecution due to his involvement in illegal drifting activities during the rule of his late father. Also there are alleged fraud activities that Mohamed has been linked to with the father and, the government of today is after the family to recover everything. They have claimed all the family's wealth, including one 2006 Mercury vehicle, and I am making this contact on behalf of my sister, Mrs. Miriam Abacha, the wife, not minding the consequences, but hoping that you would understand our predicament hence the need for your urgent assistance and co-operation.
My aim of contacting you is to crave your indulgence to assist us in securing the vehicle which incidentally is part of the family wealth. Fortunately with my immediate assistance, and contact, we were able to deposit the vehicle in front of the Djibouti embassy in Washington, D.C. pending when the whole situation will be calm. However, this Washington D.C Bureau of Parking Enforcement does not have any knowledge of the content of the vehicle, because it was done in the guise that the trunk contains precious stones. But owing the great risk we run presently due the new Democratic government's initiative to freeze and recover all vehicles supposedly misappropriated by the late Grand Marquis Abacha, we wish to retitle said 2006 Mercury in a foreigner's name to avoid any trace. Now that we are in a democratic government, this is our opportunity to remove the vehicle, and we are willing to offer you 15% of the contents of the trunk and glovebox after the transaction for your co-operation. All I need from you is an assurance that you can comfortably handle the size of the vehicle and that I can also trust you with this very arrangement.
Be rest assured that there is no risk involved since I have taken care of everything. I want you to immediately inform me of your willingness in assisting and co-operating with us, so that I can send you full details of this transaction and let us make arrangement for a meeting and discuss at length on how to transfer this vehicle. Also furnish me with your private e-mail address, Carfax report, Tel/Fax Numbers (Private) for a personal contact with you. Finally, I am trusting on your full understanding on this, hoping that there will be absolute confidentiality.
Awaiting with interest your response and hoping to develop good business relationship with you.
Yipee Ki Yay Jalopnik Commenters!