Commenter Of The Day: Euphemism Edition

Illustration for article titled Commenter Of The Day: Euphemism Edition

A euphemism, if you translate literally from the Greek, is good speaking. Predominately, we use euphemisms to speak about a topic in a more polite way. For instance, someone might say their friend has "a good personality" as a euphemism for fat or ugly. An automotive journalist might describe a car as "aspiring to greatness" as a way of saying it is far, far from it. While these phrases often carry the same meaning as merely stating the truth, they've become a code for indicating the speaker isn't going out of their way to be vulgar or mean. In some instances, the euphemisms themselves are so entertaining they become even dirtier than the original concept — especially if said concept is the five-knuckle-shuffle. There's no good way to describe March auto sales, but Graverobber certainly has a few ways to describe buffing the bishop.

My cure for turning car sales around? Happy Ending Car Sales. Get a hand job with your Honda. Bring new meaning to "Blower Bentley." Get a 5-series from rosie palm and her five daughters. Get a hummer with your Hummer.

Sales are going down, and so are the salespeople! We're the rebate masters, in fact you can call us Masterrebate! Come on down, we're wheelin' & dealin' and jerkin' your merkin.

Got a trade-in? We'll bank it. Got a monkey? We'll spank it.

Our deals can't be beat, but your meat can!

See? It's got win written all over it.

Charger? I hardly knew-her!

Photo Credit: Sweet Awesome Tours

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Rob Emslie

Wow, thanks y'all. This is truly a happy ending. Now all I need is a good knuckle trumpet to complete the. . . oh wait, did I just write that? Damn inner voice not staying where it belongs! Dammit, dammit, dammit.

BTW, I'll be more than happy to pitch in a couple of bucks, if that's what it takes to post bail for the preview button. I don't know what the little rascal did to get interred, but we sure do miss him, and look forward to his return.