When a Jalopnik staffer goes off into the long night, they don’t get a golden parachute. Please, this is journalism. We don’t have the kind of money for that. So instead, we throw them out of a plane with a Miata as a parachute. But if you’re not a lowly blogger, and instead you’re a CEO, how do you know if your parachute will be golden?
Well, apparently all their parachutes are golden.
See, I’m just going to go ahead and guess that Straightsix9904 was not intimately familiar with the terms of former Wal-Mart CEO Bill Simon’s departure from the company when he said this, upon seeing Simon’s plane come down with the aid of a parachute:
But you know what? I actually went and did the research, and Simon got $4.5 million as a “retirement package” when he left Wal-Mart in 2014, in the wake of sluggish sales at the retailing giant.
Huh. Whoda thunk it.
Good on you, Straightsix9904. May you forever find golden parachutes catching your fall.
Photo credit: Oleg Klimentiev
Contact the author at ballaban@jalopnik.com.
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