Poor Volkswagens. They sit withering away in a town that has withered away next to a football stadium that has withered away. When will the withering end? Will the VWs face the same fate as their surroundings, blending in entirely unnoticed? No. Not all of them. For some will be freed—well, stolen.

And the reason for this theft is really quite simple. Let reader CitronC tell you:

(Get it? Because it’s called the “Dieselgate” scandal, a word that is a concatenation of “diesel”—the fuel used in the over 500,000 polluting cars—and “gate,” the last syllable of Watergate, the group of buildings in which the Nixon scandal took place, and the four letters now appended to all scandals by the media. Gate is also a physical barrier that one closes to keep something inside [or outside]. Forgetting to close a gate tends to result in something going missing. Sixty Volkswagens, for example).

If you still don’t get it, don’t worry about it. Just relax and listen to a song you haven’t thought about in 17 years: