Colbert: Hybrid Fuel is Blind People

Hard-hitting journalist Stephen Colbert has uncovered a vile plot by hybrid owners; they're intentionally running over blind people in order to use them for fuel. This stunning revelation comes only a day after the National Federation for the Blind publicized concerns over hybrid vehicle safety. Through in-depth investigative reporting, the heroic Colbert discovered that blind people make an excellent source of fuel, one that could potentially reduce our dependency on foreign oil. In a stunning new development, the Associated Press has learned that inattentive people could also be at risk of being turned into a green fuel source by Big Environment. Linda Murphy, who has perfect vision when she wears her glasses, revealed to AP that she too has had close calls with hybrids, "I'm walking right in back of it and it's moving and I didn't realize it until it nearly touched me, I never realized how dependent I was on my ears until I almost got hit." Remember kids, look both ways or Al Gore'll get you.

Illustration for article titled Colbert: Hybrid Fuel is Blind People

Missing from last night's broadcast of the Colbert Report was the above graphic, which clearly demonstrates the threat.

Illustration: Sebastian Assaf for
Blind People Upset with Silent Hybrids [internal]


I tremble in fear of the silent death that is the Toyota Prius. I have nightmares of the Birkenstocked murderers who prowl the parking lots of 'the nice part of town'.

Please return us to the safety that was the 'right sized' economy cars of the 70's. Fashionable eco-friendliness should not cost us the lives of our sight-challenged brothers.

Save Stevie Wonder! Don't buy a Prius!