Following a ute crash in Humpty Doo, NT, Australia, and reports indicating the female passenger may have been engaging in amorous activities with the driver, the 34-year-old waitress would just like everyone to know "I was not sucking his d***."

The dainty Ms. Alysson White was swinging by the Howard Springs Tavern, where she regularly waitresses, to drum up some party goers for a friends birthday party, after which she hopped into a Toyota Hilux (we actually never knew to classify the Hilux as a ute) to head off to Humpty Doo for the party. Turns out the driver was nursing a 0.147 percent blood alcohol content and crashed the ute on the way. NT News reported there may have been some hanky panky going on during the ride which would have led to driver distraction and thus the crash.


Well, Ms. White would like to refute those claims in her hilarious account below:

"I was not sucking his d*** - and it's pretty obvious that wasn't the case ... you only have to look at the mark on my chest, clearly I had my seatbelt on, so it's impossible that I'd be leaning over sucking his d*** unless he is hung like a donkey or I've got a f****** rubber neck. If it was true I'd just cop it sweet and think 'how embarassing, I got caught sucking someone's d***' - but it is not true and that's what is p****** me off. It didn't happen like that at all - he was just going too fast. I don't understand where that story has come from.

"It may have looked bad when police first arrived as my girls were hanging out all over the place. I also had a $5 note wedged between my boobs so they probably just assumed I was a sex worker or something and he'd already paid me.

"But $5 is a bit cheap for a head job.''

Both driver and passenger were taken to the hospital with minor injuries following the accident, and the driver was charged with drink driving, driving without due care, and driving without a license. Ms. White will likely be getting recruitment calls from local finishing schools. [NTNews]