Christmas Decorations On Cars: Yes

This would look a lot more quaint with some snow. And (Photo Credit: Andrew Collins)
This would look a lot more quaint with some snow. And (Photo Credit: Andrew Collins)

I freaking live for the two-to-four weeks a year it’s socially acceptable to turn my truck into a rolling preschool crafts project. Bring on the bows, wreaths and superfluous blinking lights!

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Something tells me “Christmas decorations on cars” will be unpopular with the automotive enthusiasts who make up our base of readers. And I’m sorry to preemptively say you’re wrong, but I really needed an excuse to share these pictures of how pretty my Scout looks.

I started hanging ornaments on my vehicles two trucks ago, when I slung a wreath over the brush guard of my white Land Rover Discovery because of some aggressive compulsion to fit in with the richer kids in my suburb. And then I had myself a tradition!

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Last year, my Toyota needed any help it could get to look a little more lively. Which is why that vehicle’s no longer with us.

This year the identity crisis between my Scout’s doomsday-prepper motif and the whimsy of a red ribbon is just hilarious.

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But I can’t really blame my love of a good grille wreath on the sense of irony I picked up during my weekend in New York City.

I feel like the contrast of tree limbs and gentle bows on formed steel softens the parade of severe car faces marching down our roads.

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A wreath on a grille ostensibly says, “Merry Christmas.” But I just see “cheer up. Relax. Don’t take this shit too seriously.”

But, oh, I almost forgot– there’s a special place in hell for anybody who defiles this sacred season with window-mounted reindeer antlers.

Jalopnik Staffer from 2013 to 2020, now Editor-In-Chief at Car Bibles

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DISCUSSION

Had a girl in a drive-thru the other day tell me she liked the wreath and was “surprised to see that on a man’s car”.... I laughed.