Cadillac: The Fragrance For Men

Illustration for article titled Cadillac: The Fragrance For Men

Cadillac was purchased by General Motors a hundred years ago and as part of the anniversary celebration GM is licensing a line of Cadillac branded products for men. Grapefruit, chamomile, geranium, tarragon and cinnamon anyone?

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A little known fact about Cadillac is that it began life in 1901 not as Cadillac, but as The Henry Ford Company (yes, that Henry Ford). Ford founded the company under his own name from the leftovers of the first car company he started, Detroit Automobile Company. He was pushed out of The Henry Ford Company by the board of directors in 1902 and the assets were taken over by his backers. The company was renamed Cadillac while Henry went on to found the Ford Motor Company, but it wasn't till 1909 that William Durant's General Motors purchased Cadillac, and thus the 100-year anniversary.

Enter the Dubai-based cosmetic company Beauty Contact Inc., holder of the "Cadillac" fragrance license which will be producing a line of cosmetics for men scheduled to go on sale in the fall. The lineup will include a cologne, aftershave, deodorant, and hair and body wash each scented with, and we're not kidding here, grapefruit, chamomile, geraniums, tarragon, cinnamon, sweet spice and incense. Strange way to celebrate a brand which once rightfully went by the slogan "The Standard of the World." What happened to the smell of machine turned aluminum, crank case oil, fine leather, mahogany and the sweat of the proletariat masses below you?

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Of course, the products are being marketed by Beauty Contact Inc. as "a relevant extension of the Cadillac lifestyle," and a "tribute to the opulence and extravagance of past eras, as well as the luxury and ease of today," but at $73 for a bottle of cologne, we're thinking the idea just plain stinks. [TheStar]

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DISCUSSION

You want to smell like a car? Grab your wrench roll and go lift the hood. Get cranking. When you're done, and you've Lava'ed every last bit that you can out of your skin, and you're completely scrubbed pink except for the infinitesmal bits of grit and grease still lodged in your fingerprints and under your nails, you will smell very faintly of soap, hard work, and just a teeny bit of dirt. The woman that that smell attracts, is worth having.

The woman that "Cadillac" brand Optional Stench Unguent attracts, will not be worth having. She will not hand you wrenches. She will not know not to lay tools on top of the battery. She will pout, and sigh, and prowl about the car while you are communing with the Internal Combustion Gods. She will not enjoy what you enjoy.

The woman who is attracted to your oh-so-faintly greasy smell will, instead of handing you wrenches, bring them to you under the car, and work with you. She will dope-slap the back of your head when you lay tools on the battery. She'll join you in the shower for clean-up, and pop a DVD in the machine afterward. And she will kick Ms. Cadillac Optional Stench Unguent Smells Good To Me in her scrawny, zero-carbs, afraid-of-the-mayonnaise ass.