Do you like happy little trees? How about big German sedans? Well, today we're opening up the art gallery for a show whose theme is: Nice Price or Crack Pipe.
Yesterday beer did flow, and men did chunder. And while it seemed you could hear the Holden Torana's thunder, 58% of you decided it was better to run, better to take cover. That Aussie needed a lot of work to make it right, including a new paint job, but that won't be an issue with this bay-area BMW.
Are you an art collector? Do you find it frustrating that the only way you can impress your associates with your adroit selection of rapidly appreciation oils and stonework is to invite them into your home where they might want to engage you in banal conversation or befoul your furniture with spilled Dom Pérignon and dropped caviar? You're better than they are, as evidenced by your astute selection of artwork, why would you want them in your house? Well, what if you could flaunt your wealth and eye for the arts outside of your home? What if your art were actually on your car? That way you could impress not just your friends, but total strangers, whom you're also probably better than.
For more than 30 years, BMW has commissioned art cars from such notable artists as Calder, Stella and Lichtenstein. With the exception of the Spanish artist Cesar Manrique, who chose a 1990 730i, and Esther Mahlanga who covered a '91 525i with a traditional Ndebele tribal patten, most of the canvases have been two-door coupes and racers. Well, it appears that "industrial designer" Evan Gary needed the broader canvas that a four-door affords for his un-commissioned piece of rolling artwork which rests upon a 1984 BMW 733i. Even though this is not an official car, the seller claims it will soon bring ten-times its $8,884 asking price due to its exclusivity. Therein lies the risk because while Calder, Hockney and Worhol are all well known, Gary doesn't even show up on Google. Despite that, in the ad he's touted as an award-winner. Perhaps he ate one of those 72-oz steaks at the Big Texan Steak Ranch, and that's what they're counting.
No artwork will last if the underlying canvas is not sturdy, and so it's a good idea to kick the tires on the 733i. Powered by BMW's 181-bhp six, this was the top of the line four door from the Bavarian car maker at the time, and it possesses all the technology that 1984 BMW could cram into it. That means power windows, moonroof, locks and seats and . . . well, that's about it. Unlike today's 7-series, this car lacks a GPS navigation system that could potentially direct you off of a cliff. It goes without seats that heat and cool and have an ultrasonic bidet in them. That's just fine, as it makes for less to go wrong, and as anyone who has had the pleasure of owning a mid-80s beemer knows, they already have enough things to cause bedevilment. Despite having fewer features than a new Yaris, the leather and wood look luxurious, and everything visible seems to be intact and on straight. So let's get back to the paint job.
Now, art is subjective, and for every Michelangelo's David, there's a picture of Robert Mapplethorpe with a whip up his ass. Both are dudes in the nude, both have their advocates, but only one would be looked upon with favor should you choose to adorn your front yard with it. This loud and proud effort by the mysterious Gary isn't as controversial as a Mapplethorpe work, but doesn't not immediately resonate with the impression that it will stand the test of time like the scupture of David- which was apparently chiseled on a very cold day (I'm just sayin').
So, would you drop $8,884 to add this work by a promising new talent to your collection? Or, does that price make it sound a little too paint-by-numbers for you?
Help me out with NPOCP. Click here to send a me a tip, and remember to include your commenter handle.