All image credits: BMW

Just in case your near-500-horsepower BMW crossovers don’t drive the point home enough, BMW is now selling some appearance bits to make your X3 M and X4 M look even sportier. It’s all a bit much. But I know there are people out there who absolutely dig this stuff. The Venn diagram between them and Apple users is probably a circle.

The exterior add-ons are made from carbon fiber (of course) and finished in high gloss to maximize the catching of the sun’s rays always, according to a press release. You can get a radiator grille, air breathers and door sill finishers. The X3 M can also be optioned with a roof spoiler that I find cheap-looking and tacky. And you can also get the ///M Performance racing lettering for the front, rear and sides of the car. Like a flag for the brands.

Just like how Apple needs everyone at the coffee shop to know what kind of laptop you are using with the light-up logo on the cover, the optional BMW LED door projectors tell everyone at the valet stand exactly what kind of car you’ve just rolled up in. They’ll beam the ///M logo on the shoes of your valet to remind him just how poor he is, how much he lacks ///M in his life. Success!

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Inside, you’ll also get the ///M Performance Pro steering wheel that BMW says is “especially comfortable to hold” with a central marking in blue, which is admittedly cool. You can also get carbon fiber trim elements for the gear selector knob and ///M floor mats. Obviously, you are only allowed to step on these while wearing your special BMW kicks.

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There’s a bonus, too, folks: An optional ///M Performance key case which protects your key from scratches and damage. I had always used my pocket to protect my keys, but I think it’s this kind of low-class thinking that is keeping me out of an ///M car.

Plus, you get ///M Performance wheel bags. Does this mean they carry the wheels themselves to the shop? Definitely not, you’re just a little more stylish while you do the heavy lifting. I will say, though, that a wheel bag is great when swapping your summers for your winters because then you can keep the inside of your car clean during transport.

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