Because the current alpha-numeric soup is too confusing, BMW is reportedly going to be changing up their name game. But don't get too excited just yet. No, BMW will not be giving their cars real names; the 135i will not be renamed the 'BMW Dual Thruster DeLuxe Junior' and the X5 will not be renamed the 'BMW Fire Turd Momma.' Apparently what BMW thinks we all need is a bit more alpha-numeric confusion. At this point, we would like to explain to you exactly how BMW will be changing things— but we can't make any sense of the explanation. Here's what we've heard:

"Due to upcoming U.S. regulations in effect for Model Year 2009, we are changing some of our naming protocol. The new naming protocol will affect all products that currently have an engine displacement designation within the name—X3, X5, X6, Z4 and Z4 Coupe."

We think that means there will be more models like the 'xDrive35i.' So maybe we should all brace ourselves for the 'BMW M-Power-Drive50i Sedan.' [BimmerFile]