An Open Letter To Ford: Give Us The Falcon Ute

Illustration for article titled An Open Letter To Ford: Give Us The Falcon Ute

Hey, Ford! Are you paying attention? Come in here. We want you to read something. GM wouldn't listen to us. But we need this. We crave the Falcon Ute.


GM's decision to pull the plug on the Pontiac G8 ST this week was a tough one for us, but it doesn't necessarily mean that it's the end of the road for our El Camino fetish. You boys in Dearborn have something in your global arsenal and we want it bad. In fact, we crave it.

It couldn't be a more perfect time. The economy is in shambles and car sales are down, but more importantly truck sales are way down. Once the cash-cow of the American car industry, trucks just aren't cutting it anymore, at least not in their current state. The Ranger's falling off into oblivion (in most of our minds) and the new F-150, although less of a fuel sipper, still doesn't get that great of a mileage figure. Could there be a better time to release a new car-based truck?


The Australian-built Ford Falcon has been a competitor to the Holden Commodore (Pontiac G8) for a very long time. Both vehicles are essentially the same in the way that they accomplish their goals. Both have a six-cylinder model, both have a V8, both have a whomper of a performance model, but most importantly, both have a Ute variant. While we've spent all this time pining for the Pontiac G8 ST we almost forgot about the Falcon Ute and we have one huge question - Why aren't you giving us what we crave?

Ford, yes, You. Ford! - We're talking to you. Yes, put down your thinking caps and open your ears, we've got something to ask of you. Please, pretty please. With sugar on top and all the good stuff you like. Bring us what we crave. Bring us the Falcon Ute.

Compare the Falcon Ute's towing capability of 2,300kg (5,070lb) and fuel economy 10.5L/100km (22mpg City) with the Ranger's 6,000lbs and 21mpg City. It's not that far off, at least not far enough to warrant another standard truck. Those of us that rarely actually use the bed of our truck will thank you, we promise. You can keep your Ranger, just please don't clog the lots with it. Hell, get rid of it all together. Sell it somewhere else. We. Don't. Want. It. But we do want the Falcon Ute. Jalopnik craves it.

Now that we have you thinking about it; how about that FPV version? Yeah, the one that all of the hoons love and adore. Don't pretend like you don't condone that sort of thing –- you built it. Let me refresh your recently departed memory. I'm talking about the FPV Falcon Ute Super Pursuit. The one with the 5.4-liter, 8-cylinders, 32 valves and dual overhead cams. That's right, The Boss. We crave its 315kW (422hp) and tree stump pulling 551Nm (406lb-ft) of torque. We're asking nicely here, so please consider it.


We think we might have your attention now. Ford, your cross-town rivals in Detroit failed to give us what we crave. We begged and they promised, but they just ended up putting us away wet. We don't think we could take that kind of disappointment again. You wouldn't do that to us if we asked you nicely, would you? We hope you understand that we have to ask you for this. It truly is our only hope.

Ford, you can solve all of life's riddles by bringing us this one thing. We love your new Mustang and we're sure we'll love your new Taurus. But, please give us what we want. What we need. What we CRAVE. We promise we won't ask much else from you. You're our favorite anyway. Have we told you that before? No? Well, it's true.



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Rob Emslie

Han Solo: It's the UTE that made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs. I've outrun police interceptors. Not the local bulk cruisers mind you, I'm talking about that big black thing with the blower now. She's fast enough for you old man. What's the cargo?

Obi-Wan: Only passengers. Myself, the boy, two droids in the back... and no questions asked.

Han Solo: [chuckles] What is it? Some kind of local trouble?

Obi-Wan: Let's just say we'd like to avoid any AFP entanglements.