A Human Being Can Fit In The 2017 Honda Ridgeline's In-Bed Trunk

Truck YeahThe trucks are good!

We won’t get to drive the new 2017 Honda Ridgeline for a while, but what we can do is give you, our beloved readers, a review of the in-bed trunk. It’s marvelous.

I decided to hop into the new Ridgeline’s in-bed trunk and see what it might be like to live in there. Here’s what greeted me:

Illustration for article titled A Human Being Can Fit In The 2017 Honda Ridgeline's In-Bed Trunk

Now, that may not look like a lot of space, but we can tell you definitively that a 5'8", 150 pound manchild will indeed fit in there with ample space. And it’s actually pretty nice in there. Sure, the plastics are a bit on the hard side, and the o-rings sealing the trunk might make the whole “breathing” thing difficult, but the trunk has some stellar features.

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For one, there’s a spare tire in there, which one could use as an oxygen source once all that precious trunk air has been turned to carbon dioxide. Just pop the tire and Boom, you’ve got another five minutes of life! Genius, Honda! Now that’s forward thinking.

Illustration for article titled A Human Being Can Fit In The 2017 Honda Ridgeline's In-Bed Trunk

The trunk also features a jack, which one could use to, well, I’m not sure. I haven’t figured out any uses for a jack in a bed-trunk. You might want to get rid of that, Honda. It’s useless.

Then there’s the drain plug, which is utter genius because sometimes humans produce bodily fluids, and who wants to swim in their own excrement as they slowly suffocate to death? Not a good idea.

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There’s also the in-bed speakers, perfect for jamming out to a horribly depressing Sarah McLachlan song as your lungs start to eat themselves. It’s great, really.

But then there’s Honda’s showstopper feature: a glow-in-the-dark release handle. Once you’ve depleted your spare tire, listened to heartbreaking music, urinated out of the drain hole and suffocated to death, your dead body can click the “release” button, and your ghost can escape and do whatever it is that ghosts do. Drive Volkswagen Type III Squarebacks, I guess.

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Illustration for article titled A Human Being Can Fit In The 2017 Honda Ridgeline's In-Bed Trunk

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DISCUSSION

PartyPooper2012
PartyPooper2012

Fucking Brilliant! Secure compartment for things that need securing. Bed for things that can sit out. Can tow things. Only one question - does it come in 4x4?

I’ve been kicking around what truck to get. This wins all the things