Honda Today, Nissan BE-1, Aero L-39c Albatros: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

This is an assembly of metal tubes, welded around the engine from a Suzuki sportbike. The seller claims to have driven it “from Long Island to Queens,” presumably on public roads, and that the process of doing so “turned maaad heads lol.” I can only imagine.

Is this legal to operate on public roads? Almost certainly not. Is it safe? Who knows but I’m willing to bet the original Gixxer was safer. Take a look through the photos in the ad and admire the quality of the welds, then tell me you’d wanna ride this around.

Small cars rule. Small cars with great names are even better, like the Citroen Ami. But there’s a flaw in the Ami’s name: The syllables are all wrong. They don’t start high, drop down, stay down, and then pick back up again. Y’know what does? The Honda Today.

This Today is, apparently, only a two-owner vehicle — one in Japan, and one who brought it over here. I’m not sure which is responsible for this gorgeous blue color, but I commend that one.

Have you ever, with your own eyes, seen a Nissan Rasheen? Not in a photo or video, but out there in the desert of the real? I certainly haven’t. Maybe I should fix that.

This Rasheen comes from an “Obscure Cars for Sale” Facebook group, which I will now be dipping into for future installments of Dopest. Heavily, in all likelihood. It’s just so good.

I rode out to Red Hook yesterday to try and capture my BMW GS in the sunset. It’s still a bit too early in the year to get the exact shots I want, the sun is setting in the wrong place, but I managed to see something else: Vanlife builds. A gray-blue Sprinter, specifically, decked out for the nomad life.

But why does every vanlife build have to be a Sprinter? Why not the humble Ford E-series? I contend that you really don’t lose much with one of these builds, besides headroom. Just try to be less tall, think short thoughts.

This is, what, the third retro-styled TW200 we’ve had here in Dopest? I would never have expected this brat style of modification to be popular with this weird little farm bike. To be clear, I love this, and I want to see more of it.

What are these bikes like to ride? Are they good? Do you own one, and will you let me ride it? If you’re within a day ride distance of Brooklyn, and you own a weird bike like this, hit me up at sdasilva@jalopnik.com. I want to try one of these so bad.

The seller claims this Valiant was never a real police cruiser, which raises more questions than it answers. Is this cosplay? For cops? Copsplay? The livery works with the lines of the car, sure, but why?

This Valiant apparently has fully functional lights and a working siren, which seems perhaps the slightest bit illegal on a car that is not for cops. I, for one, generally try to give police the fewest possible reasons to pull me over on the road. Maybe that’s not for everyone, though.

These cars are so weird to me. It’s a big wagon with a six-cylinder engine — sure, nothing odd there. But then you realize it’s a 2.5-liter six cylinder, rear-wheel drive, with a limited-slip rear differential. What? Why? This rules.

Plenty of people have GTR’d-up their Stageas, but I contend that the stock RWD configuration would also be a blast to drive. Maybe add some forced induction to the equation, to account for the weight, but RWD wagons are always fun.

We’ve done Beetle-based sand rails here on Dopest before, but this one has something unique: a Forester EJ25 between its rear wheels. The whole arrangement actually fits together very well, the liquid cooling has been neatly packaged, though I do wonder if its efficacy has been affected — does it run hot? Does it have a temperature gauge to let you know?

I’m also loving the front turn signals, which appear to be OEM units off of every Yamaha motorcycle since the dawn of time. Look at any Yamaha bike, they all have these. You’re never gonna un-see that now.

Normally I’m not a fan of putting big-dollar collector cars in Dopest, but this one goes in for two reasons. First, it’s not the most expensive vehicle in our list. Second, it’s a Mercedes 190 — a vehicle that my parents have looked down on my entire life.

This, I’ve never understood. The 190 is lighter than bigger Mercs of the time, more compact, but shares the boxy styling. This one, the Evo, has the performance to match its looks. What’s not to like?

It’s coming back, I’m telling you. Fashion is cyclical, running on 20- or 30-year cycles of nostalgia, and I content car modification is primed for the same type of early-aughts revival. Look at drift cars, their flashy paint jobs and form-over-function mods. We can retvrn.

I’m also of the opinion that scissor doors like this are a genuinely good practicality mod. How many people would open their car door into yours at Home Depot if everything opened like this? Big thoughts like these are why I should be in charge. Of everything, in general.

The blue paint here is great, no question, but I think this BE-1's looks get a second benefit — those black-and-white wheels. They tie into the badges, the plate up front, they make all the accents cohere into one beautiful whole.

Not that the BE-1 really needs the help. It’s just such a neat little car, boxy and round in equal proportion without ever feeling mismatched. Look at that “You got games on your phone?” expression on its face in this photo. Are you gonna say no to that?

The seller on this L-39C claims that “GUNS HAVE BEEN REMOVED.” This is good information for potential buyers to have, but my question was actually something else. It was “How did a fighter jet, that was at some point armed with guns, end up for sale in Queens?”

This Albatros (one S) is apparently a Czech aircraft, used largely for training but occasionally for “light attack” purposes. I have to wonder how light an attack can possibly be, if it’s coming from a fucking airplane. We’re not talking rubber-band guns here.

Hey, can any of you give me seven thousand dollars? Look, I know we haven’t spoken face-to-face much, but I promise you I’m a real person in real need of seven thousand dollars. It’s for... investments. Yeah. An investment in the future, by nature of buying this jacked-up El Camino.

Do you want to live in a future without this car in your garage? Exactly. It’s just perfect, from the garbage paint to the tires that almost certainly rub at full lock. Who wants to help crowdfund this?

I love car ads that try to downplay the condition of the vehicle for sale. This one begins by talking about how original the car is, how it lived in rust-free Arizona before making its pilgrimage to Long Island, and how it needs a bit of electrical work before it runs properly. Oh, and a driveshaft. Just those two things.

The engine isn’t seized, which is a plus, but where did the driveshaft go? How do you suddenly find yourself without one of those? If the truck were in worse shape, I’d get it, but this thing looks mint. The engine’s been repainted, but there’s no driveshaft. What’s the story?

I normally don’t include cars without a list price (it’s the same reason I don’t put auction cars in here), but this is an exception. This car is just too good not to include. It’s a completely custom show car, filled with speakers, ready for you to live out your early 2000s car show dreams.

Hop in your daily driver right now. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Now look at your steering wheel. Is it a subwoofer? No? Well why not? Wouldn’t the whole world be so much better if it was? You could fix this glaring omission in your life, patch that subwoofer-steering-wheel-shaped hole in your heart with a 240SX-shaped bandage. You could, and you should.