Hood ornaments are interesting, if kind of archaic things. Normally, they depict the logos and branding (however weird) of a given carmaker, though they occasionally make the leap to actual sculpture, like the stylized bird on an old Voisin or Rolls-Royce’s famous Spirit of Ecstasy. Generally, human penises are not depicted on hood ornaments, at least not on ones from OEMs, but I think I’ve found the lone exception, on an extremely obscure and unlikely car: the Onix Marfy.
If your primary car-buying criteria is that the car must have some sort of literal representation of a human penis on it right from the factory, then your only real option would be a version of the Kei-class Mazda Carol, slightly re-bodied into a charming and admittedly silly little retro hatchback by the Onix company of Japan.
Onix seems to be—or have been, there’s extremely little information about them out there—a company a lot like the far better-known Mitsuoka, who partially re-bodies cars from Nissan or Mazda and makes them into charming and slightly absurd retro-looking machines. They’re generally quite fun, and I think the Onix Marfy is, too.
Onix may have sold aftermarket kits as well, but the brochure for the Marfy makes it very clear that this is a “complete car,” and unashamedly describes it as being “funny” and “sweet and comic,” all of which seem pretty dead-on descriptors to me:
The Marfy started life as a Mazda Carol, reworked with new lights, bumpers, taillights, badging, hood, and of course that Rolls-Royce style grille.
A grille like that can’t just ride around unadorned. The brochure for the Marfy (kindly uploaded to Twitter by the always-providing Car Brochure Addict) shows that grille proudly topped with a little sculptural hood ornament:
...and, if you look inside, it appears that the buyer of a Marfy has their choice of two little cherub-based hood ornaments, in two positions:
One appears to be a child urinating, or at least standing with their penis in hand, and the other appears to be an actual cherub, as in the putti-style winged toddlers of Renaissance painting fame, and this one appears to be on his knees, looking upward, and, I suppose, praying.
I think both have tiny penises.
If you need more empirical proof, here’s the urinating one in close-up, from a photograph on this site that features an even more modded Marfy. I think you know where to look to confirm the depiction of a penis.
The modded Marfy on that page also shows the interesting way the upper part of the grille lifts up with the hood:
Man, that’s one fast-looking Marfy, right? Is that an intercooler in there?
The urinating kid hood ornament option looks to be based on Brussels’ famous urinating-kid statue, the Manneken Pis.
The body position of the Marfy hood ornament and general look is clearly based on the famous 1618 or 1619 ornamental fountain, though the Onix company seems to have not been willing to take the effort to route a little coolant or even windshield washer fluid to stream, hopefully on demand, from the meatus of the hood ornament, which would have really made this thing classy.
So, based on what I can determine, the only car ever sold to have a hood ornament—even a choice of hood ornaments that included depictions of human penises was this odd little 660cc retro-silly city car.
I hope knowing the only car to ever have a depiction of a child’s penis on it helps you to live a richer, fuller life.
You’re welcome.