When I wrote my Bumper Stickers Suck take back in February, the only dissenting voice in the office came from Jalopnik superboss Patrick George. Unfortunately, Patrick wasn’t there the day that we were to argue about them, so I thought I was in the clear... until Night Man Justin Westbrook spoke up.
Justin, I was dismayed to learn, is very Pro Bumper Sticker. He embraces free speech and the spreading of knowledge through these things. He thinks bumper stickers are an excellent way to show your support for minor middle school scholastic achievements.
I, too, embrace free speech. I embrace my right to call any car that’s papered over with bumper stickers an idiotic vehicle. I don’t give a shit if you want everyone to COEXIST, that you shred the nar nar at Killington every winter and you went to a small, liberal arts college named after some dead white guy. Big deal. What kind of empty person needs the world to know these things about them?
Is this a petty argument? Absolutely. But so is being passive aggressive to other drivers by way of a stupid bumper sticker.