Only When The Extended-Length Lincoln Navigator Is 50 Feet Long Will America Return To Greatness

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The regular 2018 Lincoln Navigator is what many would consider a large land vehicle. But not large enough for some! Some want more! Want bigger! Want want want!

And Lincoln answered. According to Automotive News, an extended-length version of Navigator will go on sale later this year. At nearly 18.5 feet long (221.9 inches), it’s a foot longer than the standard Navigator.

And then there are these two darling paragraphs:

The longer Navigator will offer a new Black Label theme called “Destination,” which was inspired by vintage luggage and includes mahogany red Venetian leather and khaya wood laser-etched appliques. It will come in two other Black Label themes: “Chalet” and “Yacht Club.”

David Woodhouse, Lincoln’s design director, compared the “Destination” theme to a cigar and brandy in that it’s “rich and indulgent.”

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Which would be fancy, except it isn’t. You can take that peasant bullshit elsewhere, Lincoln.

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Why? Because you can’t be naming your puny SUV crap like Chalet and Yacht Club when it clearly isn’t house- or yacht-like. It’s too small. You want a real yacht? You best be talking about the 1977 Lincoln Continental Town Car, because that bad boy measured 233 inches from nose to rear. That’s your bar.

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In fact, don’t stop there. Go bigger than 233 inches. Get to 600 inches and then we’ll be in business. That’s the America I know and the one I want to live in.