Only When The Extended-Length Lincoln Navigator Is 50 Feet Long Will America Return To Greatness

The regular 2018 Lincoln Navigator is what many would consider a large land vehicle. But not large enough for some! Some want more! Want bigger! Want want want!

And Lincoln answered. According to Automotive News, an extended-length version of Navigator will go on sale later this year. At nearly 18.5 feet long (221.9 inches), it’s a foot longer than the standard Navigator.

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And then there are these two darling paragraphs:

The longer Navigator will offer a new Black Label theme called “Destination,” which was inspired by vintage luggage and includes mahogany red Venetian leather and khaya wood laser-etched appliques. It will come in two other Black Label themes: “Chalet” and “Yacht Club.”

David Woodhouse, Lincoln’s design director, compared the “Destination” theme to a cigar and brandy in that it’s “rich and indulgent.”

Which would be fancy, except it isn’t. You can take that peasant bullshit elsewhere, Lincoln.

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Why? Because you can’t be naming your puny SUV crap like Chalet and Yacht Club when it clearly isn’t house- or yacht-like. It’s too small. You want a real yacht? You best be talking about the 1977 Lincoln Continental Town Car, because that bad boy measured 233 inches from nose to rear. That’s your bar.

In fact, don’t stop there. Go bigger than 233 inches. Get to 600 inches and then we’ll be in business. That’s the America I know and the one I want to live in.

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About the author

Kristen Lee

Writer at Jalopnik and consumer of many noodles.