What is this huge old car with giant wheels and a Spongebob paint job? That’s what we call a donk, the most hated kind of car in the world right now. Why do people hate them so much? Allow me to explain.[jump]
What’s a donk?
A donk is any car on ridiculously huge wheels.
That’s all it takes to be a donk? Big wheels?
Well, donks are usually big, old American cars, and they often have flashy, tongue-in-cheek paint schemes, but yeah, all it takes to be a donk is big wheels.
How come I’ve never seen one before?
If no one has ever filmed a rap video in your neighborhood, you probably won’t see a donk around. They’re popular in the South and, predominantly, amongst African Americans.
What’s their deal? Why the big wheels?
It’s like jewelry for your car. Back in the ‘90s if you wanted to brag about how much money you’re making you could get 20 inch wheels, those are dubs. They’d be chrome, or they’d have spinners. Then you could brag about having 22s, then 24s, 26s, and on to a brief flirtation with 40s. Things have pretty much leveled out at 30 inch rims by now, though.
So it’s just a way to show off?
Pretty much.
But why are they so tall? That looks dumb.
Some of these wheels are so big that you have to jack up the body of the car so the wheels fit.
Isn’t that dangerous or something?
Probably not. These cars are just cruisers. It’s not like they’re going around racetracks or anything. On the other hand, actually, this thing is definitely not safe to drive around in.
Uh, right. These things still look stupid to me.
Well, they’re not any less dumb than those Volkswagens made into lowriders, or those huge, 12 MPG SUVs that soccer moms think they need a just to drive to the mall. Anyway, donks have a sense of humor.
Oh yeah, what’s up with the Spongebob stuff?
This was a trend a few years ago to get the weirdest paint job you could on your car. It all went together with the zeitgeist in the whole culture at the time. Remember, this is when kids were wearing Blue’s Clues backpacks and rapping about going stupid. It wasn’t supposed to be taken seriously.
So if they’re not supposed to be taken seriously, why do people hate them?
Other than casual racism?
Other than casual racism.
Well, people get butthurt when guys who build donks cut up cars that are otherwise cool. For the past two or three years, Camaros have been seriously popular with guys making donks because they’re a cool car in the first place, and because they fit 30' rims pretty well. Anyway, Camaro fanbois hate to see one of their ‘performance cars’ turned into a big, tall cruiser. Here’s a good example right here.
Do you like donks?
Yeah, I love ‘em.
Even the ones with the wheels that don’t look like they’re moving?
Oh yeah, those things are sweet. You call that ‘skating.’ It’s not good for anything but showing off while pulling out of McDonald’s, but who cares.
Seriously?
Yeah, I like any weird kind of car.
Dude, you’re weird.
I know.
I still don’t like donks.
It’s okay, they’re going out of fashion anyway and in a few years nobody will drive them anymore.
Okay, so where can I go to laugh at really shitty donks while they’re still around?
Go to DonkSnob.com. It’s was the best website ever. There’s even a donk there with a toilet in it. (UPDATE: DonkSnob.com no longer exists.)
A toilet?
Yeah, check it out. (UPDATE: DonkSnob.com no longer exists.)
HAHAHA no way!
I know, right? Donks are the best.
Photo Credit: Platinum Player, Terps Travel, Photography MC, juxtaposeesopatxuj, Phillip Pessar