Some things in life are so terrible, so awful, so delightfully vulgar that they go full-circle, and become great. The movie Starship Troopers, for example, or a Fluffernutter sandwich. Add to the list, then, Rolls-Royce's newest order for 30 Extended-Wheelbase Phantoms, its biggest and most expensive ever.
And helping the new order become the most amazing, most special, most wonderful ever, is the inclusion of two of the most expensive Rolls-Royces ever made.
Yes, the most expensive Rolls-Royces ever made. That's what those two keys in the middle are for.
You know what you gotta do to get that title? Besides filling the whole thing with pure, unadulterated platinum?
Well, you fill it with pure, unadulterated gold, of course. The exteriors and interiors of the two extra-special Rolls-Royce Phantom Extended Wheelbase models come with gold-plated accents, along with all the other custom ahem, bespoke touches the other Phantoms get, like clocks made by Graff Luxury Watches.
And who has the diamond-encrusted stones to order 30 custom Rolls-Royces, all at once?
It's this guy. No, not the one on the right, that's Torsten Mueller-Oetvoes, CEO of Rolls-Royce Motorcars, who is hilarious when he tries to pronounce "Rolls-Royce Wraith" in his Germanic accent. I'm talking about the one on the left, with the multi-colored Flock of Seagulls haircut and the jacket equivalent of the piano-key necktie.
His name is Stephen Hung, and befitting his look, he is building what aims to be the most extravagant hotel and casino in the world, the Louis XIII, in Macau. The Vulgar Rollers, with their red wheels, are part of the hotel's extravagance, which is lovingly named after the same French king who designed the palace at Versailles.
Yes, that palace at Versailles, the one that is world famous for its ostentatious display of love for the simple things in life.
And befitting all that is the interior of the new Vulgar Rollers, which is clearly designed to look like you've never left the clutches of the casino, no matter how hard you've tried.
But honestly, what I love most about this isn't so much the vulgarity of it all, how over the top it is. It's Hung himself.
The son of wealthy parents, he was already driving a Rolls-Royce to work as an intern for Citibank, before becoming the head of investment banking in Asia for Merill Lynch. And sure, banking might encourage conservative appearances, but just look at him now, solid gold pants and all:
And the best part about Hung, la creme de la creme? It's how dead his voice is.
For the new hotel-casino it's more my customer taste. My target market are the very wealthy mainland Chinese entrepreneurs. They love gambling as part of the luxury lifestyle. So we try to deliver something which is not ever experienced, either in Las Vegas or Macau, at all.
"Everything you see is an illusion. All this finery, all of these jewels, are just just here to make you believe in a dream. A dream that is not real."
Now, I'm not entirely sure he actually said that last part, but who knows?
Cue the techno thriller.
Photos credit: Rolls-Royce