How would you like to get your very own Warsaw Pact-built, proletariat-grade machine, equipped with a 3-cylinder/2-stroke engine with just seven moving parts… for free?

Now, we thought it was pretty cool that a Lada Signet would be coming to the Lamest Day LeMons, courtesy of Comrade Teargas, and LeMons HQ has decided the only thing that could possibly make the race even better would be the giveaway of a genuine Eastern European sedan! Actually, the blame credit for this terribly stupid brilliant idea goes to the team bringing an Eagle Premier to the race- yes, there's a guy who owns both an Eagle Premier and a Wartburg- for donating this DDR-iffic machine. Here's what LeMons Assistant Perp Nick (and BMW 2002 driver) has to say:

The rules are simple: Just tell us why you should be the winner of a 1958 Wartburg 311 sedan. Post your essays here or email them to Nick Pon; all entries must be received by September 1, 2009. The winner will receive a beat-ass 1958 Wartburg 311 sedan plus a one-year supply of Bactine, both presented at the Lamest Day race at Nelson Ledges, October 3-4, 2009.

What's a Wartburg? Think "East Germany's Buick to Trabant's Chevrolet." And why should you enter to win it? A) If you have to ask, you shouldn't. B) After suitable prep, this car will be automatically accepted in, given free entry to, and awarded ZERO B.S. LAPS at the LeMons race of your choice. So all you whiners—ahem, legitimate enquirers—who've asked about guaranteed entries and how to avoid B.S. penalties, the answer is now clear: Eine kleine scheissboxen.

The winner is responsible for hauling this fine machine away from Nelson. No, it doesn't run, but the current owner assures us this is the way it left the factory. A title? Ha!

There you have it! Write your essays, then be ready to hit Nelson Ledges to pick up your new race car! What could possibly go wrong? When you're done writing your essay, you can head over to Southwest Airlines Spirit Magazine to read all about the Toxic Asset Racing Program's MR2 at the last Texas race. Yes, Southwest passengers who forget to bring reading material will be forced to choose between reading the barf bag instructions or a 24 Hours Of LeMons article!