Volkswagen New Beetle Pickup, Volvo 144, Honda Acty: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

Last week’s Dopest opened with a Honda Civic ute, which — despite the uniqueness of its build — was derided in the comments for its build quality. Well how about this, huh? All the uniqueness with build quality to match.

This is a Volkswagen New Beetle, with the rear end lopped off and turned into a ute. This Bug makes the interesting choice of placing the entire bed between the wheels, rather than having wheel arches jut into the sides of the bed, but there’s still usable space to work with here. Plus, it’s even got a tailgate.

I have a habit of putting Factory Five 818s in Dopest, and I’m not going to stop any time soon because I just find them so fascinating. The name Factory Five still conjures an image of a Cobra in my brain, but the 818 — despite still being a two-seat roadster — is something very different.

I’m also fascinated by the fact that these run Subaru powertrains beneath it all. I’ve owned enough boxers to understand the love for them, how weird and unique their sound and feel are, but I’ve also owned enough to know that loving an EJ is Stockholm syndrome. Glass transmissions, clogging banjo bolts, fragile ringlands, oil that needs topping off every gas stop — we all love these engines despite their many, many flaws, but why import those flaws to a clean-sheet chassis?

I am not a cruiser girlie, as a rule, but I can appreciate a nice one when it comes my way. This, dear reader, is a nice one. Is it fast? Nimble? Better to ride in any objective way than any of its competitors? I don’t know, and I don’t care, because that’s not what cruisers are about.

Cruisers are about style, and this custom-painted Bolt has that in spades. The blue is apparently a unique shade, though it’s very in keeping with Yamaha’s palette, and the tidied up rear end looks nice and sleek. Maybe do something about those tinted front turn signals, though.

Speaking of vehicles where the performance isn’t the point, here’s a Plymouth Cranbrook. Have you ever heard of a Plymouth Cranbrook? I certainly hadn’t because the Plymouth Cranbrook had long since left the public consciousness by the time I gained awareness of automobiles. Plymouth as a whole died out before my fifth birthday.

I’m glad I stumbled across this Cranbrook, though, because it’s a peek into an era of the automobile that I never experienced. Also, because it’s just cool as hell. The chrome trim, the split windshield, no one’s made cars like this for a long, long time. That makes this neat.

Is this MR2 turbocharged? Doesn’t seem to be, but should that really be such a dealbreaker? How many other affordable mid-engine cars are you finding in your usual Facebook Marketplace browsing? Would you take a Fiero over this?

No, of course you wouldn’t. MR handling dynamics are a selling point all their own, regardless of whether induction is forced or natural. Plus, even naturally aspirated MR2s look gorgeous out on the road.

Maybe not as gorgeous as this old Volvo, though. This was a late add to Dopest, replacing a Corvette that turned out to be a scam listing, but what an upgrade! The color, the lines, the wheels, the little mud flaps — this is automotive perfection.

This Volvo has been fully run through, from poly suspension bushings to a bored and cammed engine. Can you imagine what this must be like to drive? It’s gotta be perfect, right?

This, on the other hand, cannot be perfect to drive. A Dodge Dart — an American coupe — from deep into the malaise era, with LED headlights and what sure looks to be an AutoZone hood scoop. It must be so, so bad.

Yet, there’s a charm in that, isn’t there? I know people with a deep affinity for absolutely garbage American cars, and their minds fascinate and terrify me. They approach reality under entirely different circumstances, and I wonder if they see the same colors I do.

What, you thought I was going to see an Acty and not put it in Dopest? How long have you been reading these slides? I almost always work a kei car in, simply because I love these little guys. Look at that face.

This particular Acty apparently has some amount of rust, but that’s just weight reduction. Most JDM cars end up rusted out by the time they get to us, and we love them anyway. Look at that face! Can you bear life without this precious friend by your side?

Everyone, including me, loves the Royal Enfield 650cc parallel twin that sits in the company’s INT650, Continental GT, Super Meteor, and Shotgun bikes. This is a Continental GT, but you might notice that there’s only a single exhaust pipe here. Well, this is a Conti GT, but not a 650 — it’s the earlier 535.

Is that engine as good? Almost certainly not. But you’re not buying an Enfield for power anyway, you’re buying it for style. That, this Continental still has, and in a gorgeous color to boot. Make more bikes yellow.

This 350Z is in bad shape, but I don’t care about that. A 350Z should be in bad shape, in fact, because no one should be saving these cars — every single one is awaited in Valhalla, and can only get there when a teenager sends it sideways into a wall at 80.

350Zs should be missiles, they should be beaters, and they should be cheap. This miraculously for a post-’03 Z, appears to be all of the above. Normally later production 350s are pricier, given that Nissan figured out how to make a transmission that didn’t explode, but this one’s still cheap. Thanks, body damage.

This GTI may well be the rattiest MK6 I’ve ever seen, and that’s a point of pride and honor. It’s a two-door, the superior GTI layout, and it’s been beaten half to death by prior owners. The bumper is on a quick release, one fender doesn’t match, the panel gaps on the hood are conspicuously uneven — all signs that this Golf has lived a hard life.

Which, much like the 350Z above, it’s supposed to. These are introductory enthusiast cars, meant to be attainable and practical for people who can only afford to own, insure, and store one vehicle. They look best when they’ve been abused a bit, because you know they’ve done what they’re meant to do.

I swear I didn’t intentionally load all the beat up cars together here, it just happened to work out that way. Unfortunately, though, this Datsun is a little less honest in its patina than the last couple cars. Sure, it may look reasonably legit from that front three quarter view, but shots later on in the ad show that much of the “rust” is high-gloss clear.

Fake patina strikes me in the same way that I imagine people who give a shit about the military are struck by stolen valor. Faded paint and rust are a sign of a life well-lived, of a vehicle imbued with character and memories and history, and here that’s all just been faked in a paint booth. I don’t know this truck’s provenance. I can’t know it.

Northern Jersey got a tornado warning recently, which of course means I’ve been on the Ram hunt again. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a ‘90s Ram 2500 in red with the V10? Near impossible.

So, for any storm chasing adventures, I may have to compromise. Something like this, with the right year and brand but wrong color, engine, and cab, may have to suffice. Listen, I don’t love it either, but I can probably get a similar red out of a rattlecan. I’ll make do.

This is a purple S13 with what looks like a carbon kevlar hood. It has a Bride seat, a JDM front end, a widebody kit, and an SR20 blacktop. I can just list facts about this car, because it’s so extremely my shit that its mere existence is enticing.

Do I have $20,000 on hand to buy a drift car? Absolutely not. So you, dear reader, should buy this S13 that I may enjoy it vicariously through you. Live the life I can’t, and enjoy it while you can.

Much like the Plymouth earlier, here we have a vintage car from a brand that died before I graduated high school. Like that Plymouth, this Mercury carries all sorts of visual cues that modern manufacturers do everything in their power to avoid — chrome accents, vast expanses of flat body color, tall sidewalls. Yet, here, they work.

Will automotive style ever loop back this far? Almost certainly not, this is a horribly inefficient shape to make your car. But maybe we’d be well-served to take inspiration from cars of this era, and bring a few shapes back into play that we aren’t seeing in today’s market.