Toyota Land Cruiser Prado, Datsun 280Z, Freightliner Food Truck: The Dopest Cars I Found for Sale Online

Okay, sure, at first glance, I can see why you wouldn’t be interested. This Civic has seen at least one, possibly as many as two rough days in its life. It’s got some battle scars. But it also has good bones, probably. And it certainly has a good price.

EM1 Civics, as these are called, aren’t particularly common. Mostly because plenty of them ended up looking like this within their first couple years off the assembly line, but that’s made them rare now. One this cheap, in any condition, is a steal. You could make your money back on the B16 alone.

The ad for this S-Class — sorry for the mispronunciation, S-Klasse — talks about how it’s in good shape and comes with an unlimited mileage warranty. In fact, it goes so deep into those two topics that I stop believing it and start believing it’s hiding something, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is what isn’t mentioned.

This ad does not mention the diplomatic flags up front. It doesn’t mention the underglow. It doesn’t mention the amber and white flashing lights in the grille. This car was clearly owned by someone important, or at least used to ferry them around, and it gets not a single mention. What’s the story here?

Vintage off-roader? Check. Great shade of green? Check. Big, friendly headlights? Check. What could make this classic Land Rover better?

How about a full EV conversion? That’s right, this Rover won’t take any petrol. 80 miles of range, charging that accepts 110v input from a wall socket, and 110 horsepower to match. This rules, is what I’m saying.

Is vintage off-roading not your style? Do you want a little more speed while smashing dunes? Do you need more suspension travel, more horsepower, and only the finest Tractor Supply hardware holding it all together? Boy does southern California have the answer for you.

This is, apparently, an NT Performance Truggy. What’s more relevant is that it’s a prerunner, essentially built to run an offroad race course before the race truck does as a way to learn the course. Sure, it’s $115,000, but it’s 500 horsepower of long-travel absurdity. That’s fantastic.

So you want Kaneda’s bike from Akira. Who doesn’t? But your tastes are a little more patrician, and you don’t want to match the classic red colorway — only the vibe. For colors, you want something more Evangelion, like a purple exterior and lime green headlight surround. I know you, weeb, because you’re me.

This Honda CH80 Elite scooter was recolored under current ownership. It’s probably black, but the white balance in the listing photos makes it look kind of purple and I’m just gonna run with the Eva thing. The red seat is for Asuka.

Enthusiasts will tell you all about the Land Cruiser Prado, and how we don’t get it in the U.S. because it’s too cool for us. PolitiFact says Mostly False — the Lexus GX is more or less a rebadged Prado, and the 4Runner and short-lived FJ share its platform.

But this Prado is an exception. It predates the GX’s introduction in the U.S., and runs on an older platform — it’s truly a non-U.S. car. Beyond that, it’s a three liter four-cylinder turbodiesel. What more could you want?

I used to have one of these Legacy GT wagons, though in the stick rather than the automatic. They’re essentially a WRX drivetrain stuffed into the bigger, nicer, more grown-up Legacy — with an absolute ton of cargo room to spare.

My Legacy was mercilessly killed by the owner after me, but this one can be saved from the same fate. Buy it, care for it, love it. I’ll even send you the ECU tune from mine, which made far more power than any stock turbo EJ25 should have.

I’ve been doing some bike shopping recently, keeping my eye on the adventure market. But one thing I’ve found, in all my searches, is that there are few better bikes to buy used than a Goldwing. These bikes are invariably immaculately preserved, with perfect maintenance and nothing but highway miles racking up on the odometer.

This particular Goldwing is the exact color of spilled Merlot on a white carpet. That’s probably not a great combo for a bike, but the color itself rules. It even has a CB, for when you want to live out your Smokey and the Bandit fantasies on two wheels.

The seller of this Datsun Z claims it’s a “one of a kind Sports/touring car.” I’m pretty sure Nissan made at least two of these, but Bob calls this car unique with such conviction that I could be convinced otherwise. Maybe it really is the only one.

What does seem unique is the condition. This Z seems rust-free in the photos, with even the hatch interior and engine bay looking perfect. The later Zs like this one got fuel injection, so this could be your next perfectly reliable daily driver. Buy it before I do, please.

Honk if you think the Chevy Corvair was unfairly singled out in Ralph Nader’s 1965 book ‘Unsafe At Any Speed’ and if you realize the book was an indictment of the American auto industry as a whole and that it merely used the Corvair as an example and was not entirely about the car.

Buy this Corvair. Put this sticker on it. Rewrite history.

I’ve been apartment hunting in New York City recently, where one automotive writer salary seems to get you your choice between a refrigerator box or a dilapidated bug-filled studio. Vans are getting tempting. Vans don’t fill with cockroaches, probably.

Of course, at $110,000, this particular Ford Transit probably isn’t any cheaper than an apartment. Will any bank let you make 30 years of fixed-rate payments on a van?

This food truck is located just outside Miami, making it perfect for any burnt out Michelin star chefs in California who want to fly out, pick up the truck, and road trip it back, using the time to remember what’s important in life and rebuild their relationships with their family and friends.

If you happen to know anyone interested in something like that.

When I say it’s not my fault if ads go down before the weekend, I mean this Miata. This car looks perfect, mint, immaculate, and yet costs under five thousand dollars. There is absolutely no way this Mazda spends more than 48 hours on the market.

My own track-ready Miata both cost me and sold for more than this, and while it may have included a king’s ransom of accessories it certainly wasn’t in collector condition. This one may well be.

I’ll be honest, I don’t love the satin-black-and-chrome look. It’s very... of its time, let’s say, and I don’t believe it’s aged well. But this Chrysler New Yorker has a secret: That satin black is primer.

Paint over it, and suddenly you’ve got a cool-looking, aggressively-raked chromes-out vintage hot rod. That one I do love, and I bet you will too. Just talk the seller down by a couple grand to cover the respray.

Or if you want something that’s already a better color, this Plymouth Business Coupe is ready and waiting for you. Sure, it lacks some of the muscle of the Chrysler, but look at it. It’s beautiful.

And, in every photo, it’s surrounded by other interesting classics. This owner is clearly an enthusiast, so the car’s maintenance has likely been meticulous. You could do a lot worse on purchasing an 84-year-old car than this.