The last Ford Crown Victoria ever built

Illustration for article titled The last Ford Crown Victoria ever built

After 32 years in production, the last Ford Crown Victoria will roll off the assembly line today. It's a record that surpasses all other North American vehicles, including the Model T. Its final destination, however, isn't a museum in Detroit or a American collector. It's being sent to Saudi Arabia.

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Possibly the most profitable Ford car ever — thanks to bean-counting that denied it capital for major updates — Ford decided in 2009 that the cost of bringing the Panther platform to 21st-century standards and replacing its worn-out tooling was not worth the trouble.

Its factory in St. Thomas, Ontario, has slowly wound down over the past few months; workers were sent home early Wednesday with the final five cars on the assembly line because they didn't have enough parts. The city is looking for potential new buyers for the plant, but most of the 1,200 workers will either have to move or quit.

And with the death of the Crown Vic goes a whole slew of iconic vehicles from Ford's classic Police Interceptor — that will be replaced either by other automakers' cars or the new Taurus-based Ford Police Interceptor; to the New York City taxi cab — that will be replaced by either the Ford Transit Connect, a Nissan van (that our fearless leader hates) or some other random egg-shaped vehicle.

Thanks to those employees, we know that the final Crown Victoria will be built for a Saudi Arabian customer, painted white with a tan interior and optional rear seat air conditioning.

There's a lot that's sad about this, but for me, I think I'm most teary-eyed over the fact that when this four-door boat rolls onto the transport, destined for the far away Middle East, Ford's American dealers will be lacking a V8-powered sedan for the first time since 1932.

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The death of the Ford Crown Victoria is a sad day for America

Today, the Ford Crown Victoria, a slope-nosed metal box with an unquenchable thirst for gas built with manufacturing methods Henry Ford would have recognized, died after 32 years of production. More »

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You can keep up with Justin Hyde, the author of this post, on Twitter or Facebook.

DISCUSSION

*SIGH*

What's the matter, Ford?

Why don't you love us anymore?

We can change! We promise! We can make this work! It's not that bad...is it? C'mon, really, think of the kids! What are they going to think? How are they going to deal with it? We're adults but they are just kids. They won't understand.

We don't want you to take the CV and leave! We were supposed to grow old together! But you just grew apart. We don't even KNOW you anymore, Ford! Where did you go? We want you back. We want the old Ford but without all the laziness and drinking and cutting corners.

What? What's that? You've moved on?! You found someone new?!

You! YOU JERK! GOD! How could you do this to me?!?! What's the General going to think? What will I tell grandpa Lincoln? It's bad enough the General put his Olds man in a nursing home to die and Chrysler offed her Plymouth and ran off with a flashy eurotrash Italian! I thought you were better than this! I thought I MEANT something to you!

It's that harlot, Mazda, isn't it? They put you up to this, didn't they!? DIDN'T THEY?!?!

UGH! I can't...I can't even look at you! NO! Don't blame Jaguar and the Astons. We TOLD you not to do that. We TOLD you they were freeloaders but NO! Why should you listen to us? What do we know?

No! Don't touch me!

No, you don't have to leave. We will. We can't be here anymore. We're going to our sister's place. In Vermont.

You have fun with that little WHORE Mazda! You wait! they'll up and leave you too! You'll see! And then you'll come crawling back with your flashy grilles and fancy incentives just like college. But what if I'm not there? What if I follow Chrysler's lead and run off with a flashy, eurotrash Italian? What then? WHAT THEN, Ford? Huh? What then.

NO! I won't reconsider! How am I getting to Vermont? Pfft! Like YOU care! I'm taking a cab...made by NISSAN!

In fact, it's here! Not soon enough! Goodbye Ford! Or whomever you've turned in to! I never want to see you again!