Cars are transportation devices, meant for carrying people from A to B. Some members of society, however, think that cars are meant for burnouts, drifts, and massively unsafe jumps.
We call them hoons, and these are the greatest ones of 2012.
Hoon is an Australian term for people driving recklessly. The country is full of big, rear-drive sedans coupes, and car-trucks, so all the good old boys would go around doing burnouts on the highway and other generally frowned-upon acts of car shenanigans. New ‘hoon laws' mean you can get your car taken away for any of this ‘hoonage.'
The rest of the world is more receptive to people going wild behind the wheel, proving that you don't need a racecar, a sports car, or even anything more than a hundred dollar crapcan to enjoy the simple pleasure of slaying tires.
We have tons and tons of videos culled from the dirtiest hours of all-night YouTube searches all collected under our Hoon of the Day series, and we had to leave off everything but the best of the best for our greatest hoons list. If we left off an amazing video shot and released this year, scream at us and leave the YouTube link in Kinja below.
And so, in somewhat chronological order, are the 13 greatest hoons of 2012. Pick your favorite and the most popular will be chosen as the Hoon of the Year tomorrow. We call this awards ceremony "The Hoonies."
Screaming Wife Takes A 185 MPH Ride Around Daytona
Joao Barbosa finished ninth overall at the Rolex 24 this year, piloting the third fastest Corvette prototype. Judging by the screams, tears and flailing arms of his wife , he's definitely fast enough.
An Aussie Burnout Incinerates A Garden
Since on-road hoonage will get you in some serious shit down in Wallaby Country, Australians organize burnout competitions. This flaming masterpiece was the best all year.
A Volvo Wagon Absolutely Destroy A Tiny Fiat
Hoonage isn't all about tire smoke. Sometimes it's about taking a crapcan econobox and driving a Volvo wagon at it full speed. This kind of idiocy restores our faith in humanity.
Don't Do Motorcycle Burnouts In Front Of A Chasm
The idiocy of attempting to do a handstand on a wobbly motorcycle next to a pit of death, however, is the kind of idiocy that questions our faith in humanity.
A Dodge Minivan Beats An Audi R8
You thought you were hot stuff when you bought that R8 Spyder. Wait till you get beaten around a skid pad by a Dodge minivan driven by a Jalopnik reader.
You can try and be jaded all you want, but Kensington P. Blockenfarter jump drifting the hills of San Francisco is just awesome.
The Drift Idiot Finds Out Drifting Is Hard
Much as we love Gymkhana (and runners-up Bloodmasters), the best video series this year was the Drift Idiot, who is still bumbling his way sideways in a Nissan S-Chassis, figuring out how drifting works.
Fast Five: Sweden
What would The Fast and the Furious look like if it was shot in Sweden instead of California? Well, there'd be a lot more booze, a lot more flames, and a lot more Volvos.
This year we also got the new best supercar video channel, the mysterious and very awesome TaxTheRich100. Their breakout video was doing a burnout in a limited-edition Bugatti EB110 SS. We still have no idea how they get their hands on cars like this.
The Terror Tractor
Burnouts in a muscle car or a hot rod is cool and all, but burning rubber in a mother fucking turbo-Volvo-swapped tractor ? HELL YES.
Jumping Your Old Minivan To Death
Trashing minivans is pretty close to the heart of hoonage. Shitty cars can be fun, especially when you lay a brick on the gas, aim at a pile of dirt, and then jump out of the moving vehicle. Repeat until the minivan is trashed.
JOY RIDING IN MAW MAWS MINI VAN
Perhaps even better than minivan jumping was taking a minivan down an offroader hillclimb. This video also wins the ‘best title of the year' award, printed in all caps above.
We Can't Stop Watching This $400,000 Rolls Royce Destroy The British Countryside
Again, the TaxTheRich100 crew delivered with the kind of automotive recklessness we want to see: taking a brand new Rolls-Royce Phantom and whipping it across the fine aristocratic British countryside. Some duke is spinning in his grave over this video. Amazing.