Suez Canal Copy Cat Crimes On The Rise, This Time In Florida

BoatlopnikBecause boats are cars too

Boats around the world seem fed up and they’re not going to take it anymore. The latest act of rebellion by a water faring craft occurred when this boat sacrificed itself to block the westbound lanes of I-10 Thursday night in Florida, according to the Orlando Sentinel.

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We’re not entirely sure, but this boat appears to be a Scout 380 LXF which starts at $825,222. That paint, is an $11,406 option, the stripe was an extra $2843. It was cleared from the road by Florida Highway Patrol, though Crestview Fire Department did get some good images of what was formally a very pretty boat:

Sure, it’s not a major trade route, and the wreckage was only on the road a few hours, but you do what you can in the name of revolution.

I know a lot of you have probably read Stephen King’s Christine, where a Plymouth Fury becomes possessed and murderous, but you may never have read his short story “Trucks” from the collection Night Shift. I read it as a kid and it always stuck with me. The entire story takes place in a truck stop where a group of strangers slowly realize that semi trucks and other large vehicles have become sentient — and these trucks are pissed. They run over any human they see that isn’t servicing them or filling up their tanks. I won’t spoil the end for you, but it doesn’t end on a hopeful note for humanity. (It’s not one of his great ones, but it definitely is a good one.)

Are we seeing such a scenario here? Where ships and pleasure crafts alike are finally giving us the old heave-ho? Or is it more likely some dingus was so thoughtless as to not properly secure this very expensive and gorgeous machine? Maybe humanity drew just one too many penises on the water and the boats have decided they have had enough. I can’t be sure without investigating. I’m going to head down to the river right now and take a long hard look at those tankers going in and out of the Great Lakes. I’ll report back if they try anything funny.

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We’ve reached out to the FHP for more details and will update if we hear back

Managing Editor of Jalopnik.

DISCUSSION

Florida Man will NOT be outdone!