Subaru Sambar Fire Truck, Mercedes G-Wagen Convertible, Yugo Cabrio: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

Who doesn’t love a top-down off-roader? Pop a friend in the back seat, head out on a beautiful summer day, and join the environment around you — as much as you can, at least, from atop a hunk of steel powered by a Chevy V8.

This particular CJ-5 features a small-block Chevy up front and, inexplicably, a three-speed automatic sending power out to all four wheels. It’s even got a fiberglass tub, to avoid the rust issues that have plagued so many Jeeps on this website.

When I pulled this Subaru Sambar up in the Jalopnik office, a crowd of gawkers began to form around my computer. From multiple departments, multiple websites, people came to stop and stare. Who could blame them? Kei fire trucks are one of the coolest forms of vehicle on Earth.

This Sambar fire truck has your standard kei truck fare: 660cc engine, 4x4 drivetrain, a stick shift operated with your left hand. The seller claims that the lights and siren even work, in case you find yourself in a position to go put out any tiny fires.

Why cart around one friend in your ragtop CJ-5, when you could haul seven in a G-Class? This 1990 G-Wagen seats two in the front, and has two bench seats in the rear that should each fit three adults. Did I mention they’re sideways, in line with the car?

This G-Wagen was originally sold in Switzerland, but brought into the U.S. back in 2017. Its European service manual, helpful for all those fancy non-American parts, is said to be included in the sale.

In an ideal world, I would not be listing this Datsun Z in Dopest Cars. I would see the ad, instantly make an offer, and on my dream car. But I don’t have over half my salary to spend on one old Nissan, so instead I give it to all of you. Please, someone, buy this so I may live vicariously through you.

This 280z has eschewed its L28 engine for an RB25 turbocharged inline-six, like you’d find in a Skyline. Sure, it’s not the twi-turbo RB26 of the GT-R, but the RB25 was actually built for RWD applications — it plays much nicer with the rest of the build. The parts list also includes new brakes, suspension, interior — everything you need for a great modern Z.

Here’s a hot take for you: The Chevy Cobalt has aged extraordinarily well. It has clean lines, a smooth overall shape, and an interior that (while dated) is at least not offensive to the eye. Pick one up in SS spec, with the supercharger (or turbo, depending on the year) and you’ve likely got a pretty good time on your hands.

This Cobalt SS is getting up there in mileage, well into the six figures, but that means it’s down on price. For just six grand, you could have the 260 hp stick-shift sport compact of your dreams.

I have a confession to make, reader: I am a sucker for a classic overland build. You show me a Tacoma with a lift, a cage over the bed, and a rooftop tent atop that cage, and my eyes bug out like a Looney Tunes character. This Taco may not be Instagram Tan, but it does balance that detriment out with a unique feature: A supercharger.

That’s right, this Tacoma TRD Pro features a supercharger stuffed under that hood. It also has an air compressor out back, a spare tire on the rear bumper, and auxiliary lights everywhere. Oh, and did I mention it’s a stick?

Regrettably, I can’t find any evidence that the enormous 4x4 graphics on the doors of this HiJet are factory. Looking through photos of Daihatsu factory graphics, nothing else seems to even come close in scale. This, however, is a misstep: All four-wheel-drive trucks should have this graphic down the side.

Under that vinyl, however, is a great little truck. This website is a pro-kei-car establishment, at least as long as Andy’s on vacation in California, and we should all be so lucky as to own one someday. If there were any good off-road trails near New York, I would have picked one up long ago.

The seller of this Yugo claims that, in 1990, the company added convertibles to its lineup just as it added fuel injection. Apparently, the cabrios got a 72-vehicle head start — only those precious few shipped from the factory with a ragtop and a carburetor. This, according to the seller, is one of them.

To a collector, a one-of-72 vehicle from a defunct automaker would be an instant winner. But this is a Yugo, something few people in their right minds admire and even fewer collect. That means prices stay low, allowing us gearheads to keep hold of our lovable shitboxes.

The seller says this Corvair left the factory as a van, and was later modified into a pickup truck with just two rows of seating. Inexplicably, it was modified in the Hyundai Veloster method — one door for the driver’s side, two for the passenger. Add in the double doors in the back, rather than a single tailgate, and you could argue this is a five-door wagon. Sort of.

The Corvair has always struck me as odd, given how many variants and body styles existed under the same name, yet this seller claims only five Corvair pickups exist in the United States. I’m shocked, positively shocked, that more people aren’t interested in converting their perfectly useful vans into weird, sort-of-useful long pickups.

For a true van experience, however, there’s this Van Life-converted Mercedes Sprinter. It’s no $200,000 professional build, but it’s got what counts — a refinished interior, a bed, a kitchen counter, and bike storage. Also, a wood-burning stove that’s placed right next to the plywood wall. I’m sure that’s fine.

Despite the budget accoutrement, however, this van seems ready for days-long mountain biking trips far from home. Maybe add a tabletop stove burner or two, though, unless you’re planning on eating straight from that can of Old Bay.

And speaking of Mercedes, we’ve got another entrant from the three-pointed star: A 2011 Smart Fortwo, for $2,500, that doesn’t run. The seller claims it almost starts, but doesn’t. It’s so tantalizingly close to being a working vehicle, yet so far away.

A car only needs four things to start: Fuel, air, compression, and spark. If you want to get really fancy, you could argue timing is a fifth. But with so few culprits to look for, surely you could get this thing up and running in no time. Right?

I always say that good listing photos can make or break your ad. Sure, simply selling a turbocharged safari-style 911 doesn’t hurt, but could you imagine if this ad was shot on an iPhone 6? The car deserves better than that.

The lights, the wheels, and the very period graphics down the side all give this Porsche a truly late-’70s-early-’80s vibe that perfectly fits the car’s vintage. If you buy it, just do me one little favor: Scratch off the Rally Armor logos on the mud flaps. It’ll look much cleaner.

Who doesn’t love a movie car? Smokey and the Bandit was the second-highest-grossing film of 1977, after some little space movie, and it wouldn’t have had nearly the acclaim without the 1978 Pontiac Trans Am at its center.

This Trans Am goes all-in on Bandit, including movie memorabilia and fake mustaches in the trunk. Interestingly, it doesn’t include the CB whip that made the movie car look like it was being remote controlled from afar. Maybe that’s up to the buyer to install for themselves.