I have to admit, for most years, when it comes to Starbucks annual Holiday Cups, I’ve mostly found myself rage-vomiting due to the wrath and offense I felt because of how the massive coffee-slinger ignored my winter holiday of choice, Happy Honda Days (praise Soichiro). But now I just feel like joy-vomiting, because, finally, Starbucks has decided to make cups to celebrate the most important winter holidays in America, Happy Honda Days, Toyotathon, Lexus December to Remember, and Chevy’s Red Tag Sales Event.
Of course, those who still follow Volkswagen’s Sign Then Drive, Volvo’s Wonder of Winter, Mercedes Winter Event or Hyundai Holidays are still being treated like garbage by Starbucks.
In an era when debased, fringe holidays like St. Christ’s Mass and that weird Maccabean candle-whatever so dominate the cultural landscape, it’s all too easy for people to forget The Miracle of the VTEC (and we all say Yo as it kicks in) or the Holy Concept of Compound Vortex Controlled Combustion, and the story of how the great Soichiro stood up to the Mighty General in the Parable of the Great Emissions Smackdown.
We’re not all tree-humpers or candle-fetishists, people. No offense, of course, but you see what I mean.
And, sure, while I have many and sometimes irrational issues with Toyotathonians and Red Taggers, I nevertheless want them to have their beliefs respected with a specific holiday greeting instead of the miserable, embarrassing “Happy Winter Car Sales Event” bullshit we’re all confronted with.
How hard is it to wish someone a Merry Toyotathon or a Happy Honda Days or hope that their December is Memorable? It’s not hard, people, and it’s worth it.
So, from this humble Follower of The Ensquircled H, I’d like to officially thank Starbucks for finally reaching out to those of us who celebrate the holidays with incredible savings and deals on new cars you just can’t find any other time of the year.
(Starbucks lawyers: this is all a joke. I’m kidding. Back off.)