Porsche 944, Subaru Impreza WRX STi, Hummer H2 Limo: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

Normally I’m not a person who loves red convertible tops. In fact, I usually loathe them — I like a nice unobtrusive black, or perhaps something that matches the body color. Yet, for some reason, I am powerless against the siren song of this E30.

Maybe it’s the black body, that makes the red top pop. Maybe it’s the simple fact that E30s can do no wrong — I will always love them regardless of their spec or state of repair. It’s kind of a miracle I haven’t gone broke trying to daily one yet.

The Ural Gear Up is a deeply weird motorcycle, from its construction to its supply chain to the way you have to ride it. It requires a specific and odd amount of mechanical sympathy to operate — not too much, not too little. It’s amazing that you can just go and buy these new, really.

What is Jalopnik, though, if not a gathering place for folks who love automobiles with character? We’re enthusiasts here, after all — we like when things are deeply weird. As such, we should like the Ural.

Reader, I think I may have a problem. Every time I see a red 944, I jump to include it in Dopest — yet, I’m always concerned that I already have. Do I search through old slides, dig through my past writing, trying to find if I’ve written about this particular 944 yet.

I could simply include fewer 944s, and save myself the search time. But, if I did that, who would scroll through listing after listing for pointy-nosed front-engine P-cars? This is a solemn duty I’ve taken on, as The Person Who Keeps Saying You Should Buy This One Car.

This T-bucket falls under a very distinct genre of Marketplace listing, in which every photo in the ad is a screenshot of someone else’s photo. What does the car look like now? Has it been well-maintained by an owner not only too lazy to take their own photos, but too lazy to even download the prior seller’s pictures rather than just screenshotting them?

If you’re going to do this, please — at least crop out the rest of your Photos app UI. Make my life a little easier, so I don’t have to do that step myself in order to feature your cool as hell car here. Sometimes the car — like this one — is simply too cool to omit, but yours may not be so lucky.

Around these parts, I’m often known as The One Who Hates Big SUVs And Trucks. This isn’t inaccurate, but there are some exceptions to that rule. The 100-series Land Cruiser is one of those exceptions.

Yes, this is the Lexus version (the Brand Cruiser) but I like it all the same. I’ve got a history with these trucks, and I’d love to have a future with them — car camping out of an LX seems a touch more practical than bikepacking on my GS. You don’t really need to buy a tent, for one.

I’ll be honest, I’m not really sure what this RV is. The branding says Mallard, which is a line of RVs, but they all seem to be tow-behind trailers — nothing self-contained like this one. The Savanna is a real model of Mallard, but it doesn’t look anything like this. “Komfort” seems entirely original to this ad.

What I am sure of, however, is that “Komfort Savanna” scans perfectly to “Copacabana” by Barry Manilow. I read it to that tune when I first saw the ad, and it’s now been stuck in my head for the rest of the time I’ve spent writing these slides. I really just needed to share the brain worm here, in hopes that you all would enjoy it as much as I do.

Do you see what I see here? Let’s run through some of the parts in this build. You’ve got the big bodykit, the wide wheels, the aftermarket paint. There’s a semi-OEM turbo kit installed on a built motor, and under that soft top you’ll find a rollbar, quick release wheel, and custom door cards. Do you see the pattern?

This drift-built NB is the modern version of every late-nineties-early-aughts tuner car. The Fast and Furious style of car mods isn’t gone — it’s just moved from drag to drift, where the ostentatious cars can be matched with even more ostentatious driving.

All the best engines, it seems, have some degree of Yamaha involvement. You want a high-revving Toyota engine for your British sports car? Yamaha. You need the most statistically reliable engine in motorcycling? Yamaha. You want your big, vaguely-styled Ford sedan to have Super High Output? You know who to ask.

This remains one of those weird automotive collaborations that I don’t understand at all from a business perspective, but am so glad happened. We didn’t need this, and yet we got it anyway. If you’ve ever spent any time in an early Taurus SHO, you know exactly how grateful to be.

What is the most reliable engine in motorcycling, you ask, after that tease in the last slide? Look no further: Yamaha’s CP2 parallel twin, which is used across all sorts of bikes. I love all its implementations, but this — the venerable Tenere — may well be my favorite.

I spent so long looking for T7s before buying my GS, and they’re now finally coming down into reasonable price points. I still want to try my hand at one, feel that vision of tall, narrow, world-circling motorcycling. Doesn’t it just look ready to take you anywhere?

As a former Subie Bro — I still own the Ambassador snapback — I’m well-acquainted with the types of mods that people install on their WRXes and STIs. There’s still space in my brain dedicated to alphanumerics like VF40, VF48, and VF52 — space that would be better used by pretty much anything else, but space reserved for Subaru all the same. With that knowledge, I feel confident in saying: This STI kicks ass.

Built engine from the block down to the cams, valve springs, and head studs. Killer B oil pickup for longevity, GFB BOV for the psshhht. Giant turbo, 1050cc injectors, flex fuel sensor — you could add more power, sure, but there’s no longer any need to. Drive it as it is, and check the oil at every fuel stop.

Remember the truck Marty McFly wanted in the first Back to the Future? It wasn’t this — it was a Toyota — but does this not have that same energy? The age, the style, the lift kit — I think it’s a worthy second choice for the price.

While you get your checkbook ready, though, budget a bit extra to remove whatever decals are happening on the hood of this truck. I’m not really sure what they mean, but rarely has history associated skulls in military helmets with the good guys. If I can’t tell whether the decal on your hood is wearing an Allied or Axis helmet, maybe your car needs to be rescued and de-stickered.

There are few things worse in this world than an ad for a gorgeous car that gives you absolutely no information. This Datsun 1600 looks great in its photo — a little nicked and scratched, sure, but that just adds character — but that’s a singular photo. Just the one. the ad copy isn’t any better:

testing the water... needs work to perfect good driver, starts every time,

I did not make a copy-paste error, that’s the whole thing. If you want someone to buy your classic car, try giving them any information at all. I’m told it helps.

I still haven’t gotten that Zero out of my head. The way the electric torque pulls you off the line, its unending linear build, the regen that slows you before you ever touch your brakes — electric bikes are cool as hell. This Livewire is electric. By the transitive property, it’s cool as hell.

Also, to address the oddity of Harley corporate structure — this is a Harley-Davidson Livewire, which predates the Livewire brand we know today. Both are cool, but only one of those brands is associated with the electric flat-track Del Mar. Ask for discounts here accordingly.

Contrary to popular belief, the ideal number of off-color panels on a motor vehicle is not zero. Scientists are still determining the exact number — it’s currently estimated to be between two and four, though a splinter group of researchers now claims that proper coverage should be measured by percentage of painted body area rather than number of panels — but it turns out a little bit of accent color does a body good.

This Supra, I think, is approaching Ideal Color Combination. It’s so close to perfection, in fact, that I can’t quite decide whether a carbon hood would make things better or worse. On one hand, it’d work the carbon nose into the design a little better; on the other, it may be too much accent on the bright white car. Take a stance on this issue in the comments.

Remember Hummer limos? From back when Fast and Furious-styled cars still ran at Hot Import Nights? Well, many of those lumbering behemoths didn’t actually go anywhere — they’re still kicking around, lurking in suburbs across the nation. This seller seems to have two.

I want someone — a reader, preferably — to purchase an H2 limo and convert it into a #VanLife dwelling. Look at all the square footage you’ve got to wok with! It’s about the size of my Brooklyn apartment already, and it’s all wasted on couch. Put an induction burner in there. What’s the worst that could happen?