Saab 96, Studebaker Champ, Piaggio Ape: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

I know, I know, $36,500 is a lot for a 2002. You’re going to like it even less when I tell you this particular car is naturally aspirated, rather than the high-performing Turbo. But, there’s a very particular moneyed term in this add that bumps the value: “Climate controlled garage.”

This 2002 has been fully restomodded — 2.4-liter “rally engine,” new carburetors, upgraded five-speed and limited sleep differential. It’s a car that’ just raring to go, but it’s been locked up — unable to go prance about the backroads it so desperately craves. Take it away, Dom.

I think classic convertibles are due for a reappraisal. I concede, fully and freely, that convertibles make the worse track cars — they’re less rigid, usually heavier, and you run into all sorts of clearance issues when you try to fit under a cage. But for those of us who have neither the time nor money to turn hot laps every weekend, there’s something nice about getting all that sun on your face.

Few people are, realistically, going to take a 56-year-old car out to an HPDE. If you do, I respect the hell out of you, but most of us are more likely to show up in a Miata, Civic, or Mini — why do we care about structural rigidity in these classics? What you lose from the roof won’t be noticeable on ancient brakes, oddly-sized tires, and a four-speed gearbox. Enjoy your muscle car on the street with the top down.

Last time I put a Fulvia in Dopest, you all lit me up for my taste. You said Fulvias are slow, unreliable, and not worth what the average I-know-what-I-have Floidian is asking. As a counterpoint, however, I ask you all to consider: Where on the spec sheet do you find art?

The Fulvia is an incredibly gorgeous design, an understated beauty that makes Giugario’s angular exercises in excess look absurd. This isn’t a timeless car, it’s definitively of its era, but that doesn’t hold it back. It can’t — the car simply looks too good.

Speaking of “understated,” how about a bright red lifted Suzuki Samurai with headlights that look like they shipped with Prime? Why do the fender flares fit like this? Why is the roof sagging so much? The answers to these questions, and more, can be found absolutely nowhere in the ad copy.

The smaller a car is, the louder its colors deserve to be. This shade on a Hummer would be gauche, but here it’s just bright, shiny, and fun — like a brightly colored Tonka truck, just waiting to be played with. A Samurai doesn’t need to go for “understated.”

The first sportbike that ever really stunned me, made me pause and stare and reflect on exactly what I was seeing, was a Honda RC213V — a limited-run piece, destined for museums or private collections, never to feel a road beneath its tires.

This Aprilia is, as you may have noticed, not a six-figure Honda MotoGP bike. It may, however, be the closest you can reasonably get. We don’t get many street bikes with V4s any more, but Aprilia is keeping the tradition strong. Just wrap it in red, white, and blue.

I’ve sort of given up on actually classifying classic Minis in Dopest. You’ve got your Morrises, your Coopers, your Innocentis — all nebulously defined form the start, and all made even harder to differentiate with years of mods. They’re all just Minis now, whatever form they may take.

This particular Mini is a bit questionable, given the various colors and states of repair seen in its ad. It’s unclear when all this work was performed, whether it was done professionally or at home, and how much is hidden under that gray vinyl. Even with all the questions, though, can you really look at this wide little Mini and say you don’t want to take it for a spin?

One person’s unfinished project is another person’s... unfinished project, yeah. How many cars do you think bounce from owner to owner without ever firing up , spending years in various garages until someone just throws in the towel?

This TR6 doesn’t have to be one of those. Sure, it’s beat to hell and probably not worth resurrecting, but that’s the fun of it — take what’s salvageable, throw a Hayabusa motor in it, and have a dumb little deathtrap to tool around in on sunny days. What’s more Florida than that?

In the car world, we’re used to new vehicles getting updated every few years. Sometimes we get new colors or trim packages, other times all new drivetrains to meet emissions. With motorcycles, however, that just doesn’t really happen.

You can’t buy a DR650 like this in Europe, thanks to their emissions laws, but here it’s all fair game. These bikes still have carburetors for Christ’s sake — not just this 2019 model, but brand new on the showroom floor! If you’re lamenting the cars of yore, with their simple wrenching, go get yourself a DR650. You’ll feel right at home.

I feel like this slideshow, on an average week, simply has too many strokes going on. Fifteen slides, often full of V8 cars, with each of those cylinders completing four full strokes on every combustion cycle — it’s just too much. It’s cacophonous and overwhelming, but it’s also fixable.

This is a Saab 96. Three cylinders, two strokes a piece. You hear that? It’s the tinnitus ring of simplicity, the absence of so much that was in the way before. You’re safe now. Calm. Relaxed. Escape samsara behind the wheel of a two-stroke Saab.

This J70 holds a record: It’s the first car ad I’ve ever seen in which one of the photos was a TikTok screenshot. Not just a random image uploaded by mistake, mind you, but a TikTok screenshot of this specific car — on the For You page, no less.

Does the screenshot come from a promo video the seller made, trying to sell the Cruiser? Did the seller buy this J70 via TikTok? Has the Shop tab just gotten really, really cool in between all the times I swipe right past it and pretend it doesn’t exist?

Friends, in the undying words of Natalie Imbruglia, I’m torn. Usually I loathe restomod steering wheels, since they either look like they come from a mid-2000s wakeboard boat or a Logitech sim setup, but this Scout is a more complicated case. The wheel itself almost looks like Grip Royal — my all-time favorite steering wheel manufacturer — but to see it in this chassis just feels... wrong.

These are wheels meant to adorn gaudy drift cars, yet this one is sitting inside a classic American SUV. It feels tiny within that cockpit, Shrirnky-Dinked from the no doubt massive wheel that would’ve come from the factory, yet the wood rim matches the seats almost too well. Tell me in the comments, does this rock or suck?

There are a few things I always look for in ads for classic cars. If an ad is in all caps, that’s a strong start. Odd, nonsensical punctuation is another good sign. If all the photos exude pure 1970s sepia energy, despite the modern cars clearly sitting in the background, then it’s undeniable: You’ve got yourself a boomer ad.

This, despite the implications around the generation, can often be a beautiful thing. Who’s going to know more about a car, its features and foibles, than someone who grew up alongside it? Sure, the haggling process may be a pain, but there’s something to be said for a seller who can really speak to the condition of the thing they’re selling.

I know we started this slideshow off by talking about old cars, but c’mon. I’m not going to see a Skyline GT-R and not include it in Dopest, particularly one as immaculate as this. This is the second GT-R we’ve seen recently where the seller claims to be only the second owner, and the second listing where the car’s condition truly backs that claim up.

The real kicker to this ad, however, comes in the last photo — an S13 Silvia, offered up as an aside. How many people are going to drop a combined $90,000 on old Japanese sports cars? I mean, I would, if I won the Powerball, but I’ve gotta be an edge case.

There’s something deeply, surreally funny to me about this ad. The copy goes into the truck’s original spec, and the meticulous attention to detail that’s gone into preserving and restoring it during that time. It’s as original as possible, all perfectly polished, and then you look at the center console and find a giant blob of gray plastic.

Nestled within this time capsule is a weird cup holder situation that looks like it came from a Walmart in 2003. There are subtler options out there, ways to hold a cup that aren’t so in-your-face, but this truck doesn’t have those. It has the Walmart blob. I can’t stop laughing.

Look, the rules are the rules. If I see a Piaggio Ape, I’m putting it in Dopest. Do I understand how this one, which claims to be a 2022 model, actually ended up in the United States? I do not. I can only guess the answer has something to do with the Sunshine State’s odd “pay the tax collector a couple hundred bucks and we’ll register anything” approach to motor vehicles.

While this Ape may not last long in your hands should it venture beyond Florida’s borders, it’ll make for a fantastic little runabout within the state. One wheel up front and a cargo area full of alcohol taps out back. What more could you want?