Nissan Silvia, Chevrolet Chevelle, Gas-Powered Scooter: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

Friends, Jalops, countryfolk, I come to you on this Friday-est of days with listings. Listings for cars, in fact, which really shouldn't surprise you given the rest of the content on this site. It's a car site. This slideshow is about cars.

But these aren't just any cars. No, these are special. Unique. In fact, they're the Dopest Cars for sale online right now. Exhaustive list. Don't question it.

You know me. I'm a sucker for anything JDM, and anything with a turbo up front and two driven wheels out back. A Silvia fits the bill perfectly, with its SR20 ready and waiting for all manner of mods. The S-Chassis is known for its aftermarket, and this particular one seems to have dipped more than its toe into that pool.

Aftermarket paint, carbon body panels, coilovers and Work Meisters. It's an extraordinarily clean S13, in the kind of shape that you rarely see any more. It's almost too nice to take drifting — almost.

I know retro cafe-style bikes are on the way out, but there will always be a soft spot in my heart for Triumphs. There's something that's so in-its-time that it becomes timeless, an unchanging icon. The motorcycle version of a classic Volkswagen Bug.

This Triumph is technically a Thruxton, rather than a Bonneville, but the differences between them are so minor that they're more or less interchangeable. They share the same flat seat, the same bubble-shaped tank — it's a Bonneville in all but name.

Remember when you could get a V6, manual, two-door Accord? Pepperidge Farm remembers, and Pepperidge Farm wants those days back.We may never get another Accord Coupe from the factory, but we're in luck — we can still get them from Craigslist.

This Accord isn't perfect, but it isn't pricey either. The seller claims to have two of them, in fact, though it's tough to tell which is which from the photos. Either way, you could have both for under eight grand. Why not go for it?

This Heavy Chevy, ironically, has the smallest photos imaginable in its listing. I kid you not, this is the full size of the image uploaded to Craigslist for this Chevelle. Why do people think this is okay? Would you buy a car based on photos this small and grainy?

At least the car in the pictures seems to be a good one. A 1970 Chevelle, the best year for the car's looks, that appears to be a true SS. You'll have to come up with the documentation confirming that on your own, though.

Speaking of bad photos, there's no way I can rotate the photo of this Cooper S in order to make it appear presentable. This is spun 90 degrees from the listing, but that's not really necessarily better. But, like the Chevelle, the car itself seems better.

Turbocharged Minis are all well and good, but this one seems to have had a number of maintenance items addressed recently. So many, in fact that it would seem suspicious on anything other than a BMW-era Mini.

Okay, I know I just talked about cafe bikes being out of style, but this isn't a cafe bike. Click through the pictures in the ad to see the flat, upswept seat, the equally oversized front and rear tires, and the empty triangle of frame between the rear wheel and the engine. This, friends, is a brat — and brats are always good.

The seller claims this bike was recently built up and restored, and it looks clean enough that I believe it. Look at that beautiful paint, matched on both the tank and the headlight. I love it.

Speaking of gorgeous blue paint, this 4Runner calls to me. There aren't enough retro convertible off-roaders, especially in a reasonable size — smaller than the Blazers and Broncos of olde. To take one of these, and paint it this shade of blue? My kryptonite.

Unfortunately for me, this car costs nearly half of what I make in a year, and I still have pesky little expenses like NYC "rent" to deal with. So I, barring some sort of lottery win or mysterious untimely death of a heretofore unknown wealthy relative, will not be buying it. You should, instead. Let me live vicariously through. you.

Saab hatchback at night, afternoon delight

Look, you put yellow headlights on anything and I'm sold. That's half the reason I bought my old Miata. Logically, I understand that these have just been warmed up in post to emphasize the sunset, but I don't care. I now need this blue hour 900.

The seller claims this Saab was owned by a mechanic most of its life, but recently had its clutch go and just needs to be sold. Bring a trailer in the literal sense, not the hilariously overpriced one.

So, apparently, we've all lived in a world with gasoline-powered scooters for at least a year. Was no one going to tell me these exist? They seem like they'd be incredibly ill-advised, horribly dangerous, and like any rider would risk life and limb the second they get within fifty feet of one. I need to try it.

If you're on Staten Island, buy this and try it out. Use it to commute in traffic, then email me and let me know how it goes. SDaSilva@Jalopnik.com. I'll be waiting.

"Oh, Steve put a nineties Honda in Dopest Cars? It's white, manual, and has an Si badge? That's so out of character, tell me more!"

Yeah, the Prelude Si is an obvious choice, but look at how clean this one is! It's got spare keys, manuals, and an interior that doesn't look like it's been flooded out with Dr. Pepper. It's a good car, and deserves to be here.

Off-road SUVs are cool. You know what's even cooler? Miniature versions of those off-road SUVs. I'm talking Suzuki Jimnies, Land Cruiser Prados, and the true apex of the art form: The Pajero Mini.

Okay, sure, the two-door Pajero Evo may be a more interesting vehicle. Unfortunately, you also won't find one of those for under eight grand, fully imported to the United States. This one still has a turbo! Give it a chance.

I'll let Clive Owen sell you on this one.

Yes, seventeen thousand dollars is a lot for an MG. I'm aware. But this is no ordinary MGB — it's a low-mileage example that almost looks like it's fresh from the showroom floor. The paint, roof, and seats are all immaculate — even the engine bay is clean.

Plus, it's a salt-free Cali car that the seller is willing to ship out to you at their expense. True, they'll charge you extra for an enclosed trailer, but c'mon — it's an MG, not an F40.

Has any car name ever been as good as "Hardbody?" It harkens back to the Hollywood Hard Bodies of the eighties, names like Schwarzenegger and Lundgren. Plus, it informs you that the Hardbody does in fact go hard.

This Hardbody may not be perfect, but that lends it a form of character lacked by the pristine blue MG. This is a truck that's done truck stuff, hauling and off-roading and making itself useful. Who doesn't love a truck with some battle scars?

"Oh, Steve put another performance Honda in Dopest—" Yes I did, shut up. It's a Type R, the best make and model I've ever driven, for one of the lowest prices I've seen online. It seems the release of the FL5 is finally putting FK8 prices to bed — or, at least, dropping them by a bit.

It'll be a long time and a long list of suspiciously similar but never provably linked bank robberies before I can get my hands on a Type R, but every minute and every graze from an officer's bullet will be worth it in the end. Someday, Type R, you'll be mine.