Daihatsu Midget II, Honda Goldwing Trike, DeTomaso Pantera: The Dopest Cars I Found for Sale Online

Have you ever read the Enigma of Amigara Fault? When this Midget came across my Twitter feed, my only thought came straight from that book: This is my hole. It was made for me.

This Daihatsu is a minuscule pickup truck that hails from my birth year. It’s bright pink. The interior retains the factory teal color, making it a sort of inside-out watermelon. Essentially, it is the single perfect motor vehicle, the apex of the automotive art form. Does anyone want to give me $7,500? Please?

I’ve always loved the style of these old Cadillacs, even if they’re comically oversized. Imagine one of these that shrunk in the wash, down to the size of a Fiero. Would any person in the world, other than me, want that?

If not, you all can still have the real, actual Cadillacs of the ‘60s. I won’t try to buy this one out from under you, like the Daihatsu. Those beautiful tail lights are all yours.

The Honda Goldwing is one of the more famous motorcycles around. It’s been in Honda’s catalog for decades, always standing atop its touring lineup as the fanciest and most feature-packed model. But it seems the aftermarket had one more feature to add: More wheels.

This Goldwing is a trike now, for reasons the Craigslist ad doesn’t even attempt to explain. Does this bike still handle well? Can it turn, like at all? Buy it and find out!

I’m slowly realizing that there’s a part of my brain stuck in the 1970s. No, I wasn’t born until 20 years later, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that Datsun was still kicking, and the world hasn’t been quite right since.

If Datsun had stuck around in the U.S., do you think we would’ve had the Gulf War? Operation Iraqi Freedom? Andy’s opinions about movies? We would not. A world with Datsun is a Good World, and we left it long ago.

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Now, I know, my own race Miata adventures didn’t go too well. But you might be shorter than me, or less picky about your seating position, and you may have better luck than I did. What I’m saying is it’s worth a shot.

This particular Miata would be a great way to get your foot into the wheel-to-wheel racing door. It’s prepped for Spec Miata, one of the most competitive series imaginable, but there’s no reason you can’t use it to get your start in HPDE.

You know me, I’m a sucker for a good patina. There’s nothing better than a truck that wears the marks of its history. This seller claims that every bit of paint on this truck is original, meaning that every dent, ding, and scrape has been entirely earned — that’s good patina right there.

It’s also just a very good truck. Stepsides are a forgotten art, despite how necessary stairs are to access the beds of modern pickups. Automakers, bring the body style back.

This GTI is nearly identical to the one in which I learned to drive stick. It was a used car for sale on eBay, and I test drove it twice in an industrial park before not buying it. Sort of the best possible way to learn stick, really.

Even if you have to buy this one, though, it makes for a great first fun car. The two-door GTI is long dead in the United States, so you’ll have something unique, but it’s still a practical hatchback that can haul all your stuff. It’s perfect.

The ad for this Triumph tells me that the paint job is meant to honor University of Miami football team. Google tells me that the No. 3 player at Miami is named Gilbert Frierson, and is a defensive back in his fifth year on the team (including one affected by Covid). It also calls him a “redshirt,” which I think makes him disposable on away missions. Away missions are a thing in football, right?

Plenty of the body panels here, too, seem disposable. The buyer of this bike should dispose of those front and rear fenders, as well as the enormous cruiser windshield. Basically, get rid of as much green and orange as possible.

The Porsche 911 is an incredibly distinctive and enduring body shape. A major part of that timeless appeal, one of the most consistent parts of the car’s image, is those round headlights up front. But the owner of this classic Porsche dared to ask the question we didn’t know needed to be answered: What if more lights?

The result, as it turns out, is good. The car looks a bit more like a frog, but it does so in an endearing way — it’s a friend that I want to protect. It just needs a yellow tint over those lower fog lights to really lock in the aesthetic.

Remember De Tomaso? Yeah, the company’s still around in some manner with that P72 concept, but remember when it made actual cars that you could buy? Or, at least, a version of you with way more money?

I do think this is an appropriate spot to air a hot take: The Pantera looks worse than the Mangusta. It’s a busier design, it’s less cohesive, and it’s less unique than its predecessor. Team Mangusta all the way.

Back in the early aughts, the re-recession peak of Harley-Davidson’s powers, it decided to try and build a bike that was even the slightest bit modern. Long before the Revolution Max engines in the Pan America and Sportster S, this was Harley’s original Revolution — its first liquid-cooled DOHC motor.

For years, as a child, I assumed the V-Rod ushered in liquid cooling across Harley’s lineup. Surely those fins were just aesthetic, like a Triumph Bonneville or Royal Enfield. But, no — only the modern Revolution Max engine gets to drink up that sweet sweet coolant. All other Harleys remain pushrod and air-cooled.

2009 was a fine vintage for Honda’s mass-market racer. It still came in the two-door body style that was so beloved by enthusiasts (and zero other buyers), and came with a factory K-series under the hood. Most of those YouTubers might be better off just buying one of these — saving themselves the energy of whatever K-swap they’re planning.

You, though, can be smarter. You can just buy the factory Si, slap a KPro and an intake on it, and put downright stupid power through those front wheels. I came close, in my pre-motorcycle days, and let me tell you — I still feel the temptation to buy into the Honda life.

But maybe front-wheel-drive isn’t your thing. Maybe you want even more power, and you want it through all four wheels — so you can snow drift your way to the vape shop, and send some Hondas to Gapplebees on the way back. Bro, that’d be so sick.

What you need, then, is this WRX hatch. Subaru symmetrical all-wheel-drive remains one of the better systems on the market, and the spacious trunk can more than fit your various flavored juices and 18650 batteries.

For real sideways action, no snow necessary, you’ll want this. The S13 240SX is the classic first drift car, but this one’s been modified for skidding prowess: Wide fenders, a full cage, Rays wheels, and a Wisefab angle kit. Oh, and it’s got an LS under the hood.

The engine, sitting in its beautifully purple bay, apparently puts out 490 horsepower on race gas. The seller even claims it only has 5,000 miles on a fresh block, though those miles were likely harder than most. Buy this S-chassis, and turn tires into dust to your heart’s content.