‘Twas the end of December, and all through Craigslist
I searched for the best cars to ever exist;
Through Acuras, Renaults, and snow plows I sought,
In hopes I’d find vehicles worth being bought;
The listings were spread from the East Coast to West,
But I was judicious in seeking the best;
So now I present, from banal to bizarre;
This week’s installment of the Dopest Cars.
I’m gonna let you know right now that the Night Before Christmas bit is not continuing through the whole slideshow here. I have Covid brain fog and rhyming is hard. Speaking of hard, you want to know something that goes hard? An Acura Legend on BBS meshes. That goes hard as hell.
This particular Legend seems to be in very good shape, too. Plenty of recent maintenance is listed, including a number of those pesky suspension bushings that dry rot with age. Plus, it’s even got a six-speed stick shift sending power to those beautiful front wheels.
The VTR250 was part of Honda’s Interceptor line, the lightweight of the extremely-cool-looking family. But while the 250 may lack two of the cylinders given to its bigger siblings, it’s not lacking in one crucial area: Graphics.
Look at this. Look at the pink and teal going on here. I could tell you that this bike is for sale in Miami, or you could just know that from the colors adorning its fairings and fender. I could tell you that you need to own it, but you already know that too.
This listing begins with a caveat: This car is almost certainly not in the U.S. legally. Sure, there are Renault Sport Spiders around that have had all the Is dotted and Ts crossed on their paperwork, but there’s also this 1999 model that’s already sitting in the States. I’m no mathemagician, but I don’t think The Matrix is 25 years old yet.
Of course, that’s not the seller’s fault. They claim to have purchased it from a California collector, who claims to have picked it up in the mid-aughts from some dealership “in northwest.” But does it really matter? Even with the danger of seizure hanging over your head, are you telling me you wouldn’t enjoy taking this Spider out? ‘Tis better to have loved and lost.
If you don’t have fifty grand kicking around, though, you could buy a car that needs some love instead. This Forester XT borrows its drivetrain from a contemporary WRX, but it’s got some dead sensors and (seemingly associated) CELs. The seller claims it still runs and drives, despite the issue, but won’t pass inspecton in its native California.
Good news, then, for the non-Californians in the crowd. You can grab this high-riding rally wagon for just a few grand, and huck it around to your heart’s content. Or, until the piston ringlands go, whichever comes first. My money’s on the ringlands.
This MGB is a classic Boomer Ad. One line, calling the car rare and mentioning a couple service items, and no phone number to contact. But who needs more detail? You’ve got an original low-ride-height, chrome bumper MGB on offer for under six grand. In a rust-free state, no less.
Of course, the ad doesn’t include any undercarriage shots to prove it’s rust-free, but for six grand it’s worth the chance. You can get those seats fixed relatively easily, I’m sure. Trust me, it’s fine.
Okay, so this may not be the prime example of a New Edge Mustang. The tail lights are blacked out, the hood is “custom,” and the wheel fitment is... something. The motor, too, makes some concerning noises. But who needs a working motor when you’ve got the best-looking Mustang body style with a shockingly tasteful rear spoiler?
I’ll admit, the side-exit exhaust may be a bit much. The mirrors, too, are concerningly matte compared to the rest of the car’s paint. But how bad could it be, really? Only one way to find out.
I was tempted not to put this Isuzu Amigo into this list, purely so that the listing remains mine and mine alone to put offers in for. My conscience got the better of me, though, and I present this perfectly blue offroad two-door to all of you. Merry Christmas.
Most of the pictures in this ad are just photos of other listings for other Amigos, which is a choice. There are also a number of screenshots of a Car and Driver review from 1989, which is even more of a choice. The seller also claims this Isuzu is a Japanese import, though it appears to be left-hand-drive in the photos. Basically, a lot of choices going on here.
I often wonder: What if my old FR-S had simply had a different engine? What if, rather than the oil-issue-plagued FA20, it had some sort of high-powered inline six? An old Supra but lighter, more compact, more agile and sprightly. Some halfway point between the A80 and this Z4 M Coupe would be the answer.
Of course, that’s just the modern Supra in all its beauty. But, those are hard to come by in a manual, so the BMW will have to suffice. Plus, it’s gray — the preferred car color of people too boring to enjoy the A90.
“runs and drives needs work great project truck clean title 5k OBO 4x4.” That’s the entirety of the ad copy for this Bronco. And, you know what? That’s all you need. This is some of an ‘81 Bronco, maybe even most of one. It moves under its own power, and not much else. Perfect.
If you’re looking for next year’s summer project, this could be it. Get in now, when prices and temperatures drop in tandem, and store the Bronco away until it’s wrenching weather again.
I never used to understand supermotos. If you wanted those small, nimble wheels, why would you mount them beneath long-travel dirtbike suspension? What’s the point of those massive seat heights, if all they do is cost you handling? Then, after owning an adventure bike, I finally understood: Supermotos are for hooning.
They’re for jumping curbs, bouncing over potholes, just general shennaniganery. Supermotos are here to have a good time, to put a grin on your face, and they do so with aplomb. More power to you, you tall-suspension-small-wheel weirdos.
Winter is here, and it pays to be prepared. Some people do this with snow tires, or all-wheel drive, but those are selfish solutions. I propose something better: Help your friends, your neighbors, and your community out this winter. Buy a municipal snow plow truck.
Sure, the price is high, but think of the benefits. You can help your friends, your neighbors, and your community. I’ll be honest, that’s sort of the one selling point I came up with. It’s orange? Orange is cool. Be the savior your neighborhood needs this winter.
Remember when you could get E36 M3 convertibles for five grand? Sure, they were ratty as hell, but they drove. A little. Usually. Now they seem to be going for triple that, but at least they’re in better shape.
I’ll admit, the siren song of the four-seat convertible calls to me. I want something where friends can climb in over the doors and quarter panels, something that can get beat up and tossed around, but still makes for an interesting drive home. Maybe I need an E36.
A Kia Soul may not, in a vacuum, sound Dope. I get it. Hear me out. This Soul is under six thousand dollars, and it’s a stick shift. Do I have your attention yet? No? Well, you made it to slide thirteen out of fifteen here, so I don’t believe you.
The Soul is boxy, which is an efficient use of its exterior dimensions. It’s a manual transmission, it seats five, and it’s cheap. What more could you want in a daily driver? Drop it on coils, throw some nice wheels on it, and I bet it’d even look pretty great.
The Ninja 250 is the consummate first bike. They’re cheap, reliable, and by the time you buy one it’s already been dropped one thousand times by previous owners. There’s nothing precious about them, nothing pristine that needs to be preserved — or even deserves it.
If you’re in the market for a first bike, buy this. Sure, the fairings are in an interesting state, but it seems mechanically sound — fresh carburetor jets and seals, new spark plug wires, the sprockets and chains and tires have all been replaced. It’s a bike you can just ride, use to get your feet under you, rather than wrenching on endlessly for each new mile on the odometer.
If a truck has all four wheels in the air in a listing photo, you know I have to include it. It’s a law, actually. In the Geneva Conventions and everything. The seller starts this ad with “Violence is the answer. I’m not really sure what question was,” but I’m not sure this is an inherently violent vehicle. It is, however, an inherently fun one.
See, this is an S10 Blazer, but it also isn’t. It has enough aftermarket engine, drivetrain, and suspension parts to make it a whole new thing — an off-road jump-clearing monster. The seller also claims it does wheelies, which rules.