Michigan Man Appears In Virtual Traffic Court As 'Buttfucker 3000', Almost Charged With Contempt

Illustration for article titled Michigan Man Appears In Virtual Traffic Court As 'Buttfucker 3000', Almost Charged With Contempt
Screenshot: YouTube (Other)

Michigan Man is at it again causing humorous chaos in a virtual traffic court. This time, a man appeared in Zoom virtual court with the username ‘Buttfucker 3000.’ He explained the title was an “inside joke” but the judge wasn’t amused.

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As Jalopnik’s Senior Zoom Fail Correspondent, I feel it’s my solemn duty to report that yet another Michigan resident has let down his state via Zoom. In this case, Nathaniel Saxton appeared in virtual court in Michigan with the username “Buttfucker 3000.” The judge was so not impressed that, as Law & Crime reports, he almost got charged with contempt of court.

Michigan 3B District Court Chief Judge Jeffrey Middleton has become a bit of a celebrity since we’ve last seen him. Apparently, the cases going through Michigan’s court system are so wild that they rival that of court TV shows. And presiding over these cases is the wonderful Judge Jeffrey Middleton, who delivers solid laughs through his candid reactions to stupidity in his Zoom courtroom.

Saxton appeared in virtual court on Monday over a traffic stop in which he admitted to possessing a used syringe and other paraphernalia with methamphetamine residue, reports Metro Times. We’ll get to that later, but everything derailed the second that Saxton appears:

Judge Middleton already knows what’s coming when he says “then we’ll bring this fool in.” The rest is gold:

Here’s a transcript:

“Good morning sir, what’s your name?” Middleton asks.

“Me?” asks ‘Buttfucker 3000'.

“Yeah you, yes.”

“Nathaniel Saxton, sir.”

“Your name’s not Buttfucker 3000, you yoho. Logging into my court with that as your screen name. [...] What kind of idiot logs into court like that?”

Saxton looks legitimately surprised at this revelation and said that he doesn’t believe that he typed anything like that. But Judge Middleton wasn’t having any of that. Despite Saxton’s apologies, Judge Middleton put him into the waiting room so he can think about the names he calls himself online. That’s like getting put into timeout by your parents. Oof.

When Saxton was able to return, this time with his name reportedly misspelled as “Nathanial Saxaon”, he explained to the judge that his sister set up his Zoom account and that “Buttfucker 3000" was actually the name of his iPhone. It was an inside joke and he swore that it was not what the judge thinks.

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Thankfully, Judge Middleton felt some pity for him and only saddled him with a $200 fine and a demand for Saxton to tell his sister that she almost got him put in jail for contempt of court. Considering that he was pulled over with meth residue on a used syringe, only $200 is not bad at all.

This is only the latest shenanigans to occur in Judge Middleton’s courtroom. Recently, a suspended driver appeared in his virtual courtroom from the driver seat. The judge has amassed over 13,000 subscribers on his YouTube channel and his court streams have a live chat featuring terrible and hilarious commentary from viewers. Speaking to Vice’s Motherboard, Judge Middleton has found his popularity both profound and troubling.

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Holding court over Zoom has given the public a transparent look into everyday court proceedings from sad cases to the humorous fails like we have today. Hopefully, Michigan drivers stop finding a way to show up to court in silly ways. Godspeed, Buttfucker 3000.

Staff Writer at Jalopnik and learning pilot. Smart Fortwo (x4), Honda Beat, Suzuki Every, AmTran Bus, VW Jetta TDI (x2), VW Touareg, Audi TT, Buell Lightning, Triumph Tiger, Genuine Stella...

DISCUSSION

mad-anthony
mad.anthony

I may have once logged into a work zoom call as MadAnthony, because it was the screen name I used previously to chat with some internet friends and then forgot to change it.

So I believe him.