Lexus SC300, Cadillac Brougham, Ford Ranchero: The Dopest Cars I Found for Sale Online

There’s something so lovable about the little Trail 90. It’s such a tiny little bike, with such a tiny little engine, built to do nothing more and nothing less than get you to your destination — no matter where that destination may be. The R 80 G/S may be the first real ADV bike, but it followed the Trail 90's definition of adventure.

Perfectly comfortable on roads, and capable enough off of them. The Trail 90 won’t get you up Hell’s Gate in Moab, but it’ll get you around town just fine — so long as you don’t need to do too many highways.

The Bremen is an interesting design. There’s clearly some Meyers Manx inspiration here, with the freestanding headlights and flat fenders, but the roof makes the upper half of the car feel almost hot-rod-esque — like a dune-prepped Model A.

Of course, the Bremen isn’t based on a Model A. Like the other half of its inspiration, there’s a Volkswagen Beetle chassis sitting beneath all that copper-colored bodywork. That means this hot rod dune buggy will have plenty of spare parts to add on should you ever feel like getting the wrenches out.

Here we have a classic genre of Craigslist listing: The half-finished drift build. The seller bought this 2JZ-powered, manual-transmission SC 300 with the intent to go drifting, but instead went to college — leaving the car unfinished under a cover. It’s been turbocharged, it sits on Tein coilovers, and the wheels are off a Mustang.

You could easily buy this Lexus, ensure it’s tuned properly, and go clipping point hunting with your local grassroots drift organization. Or, you could slap the included stock parts back on, and have a naturally-aspirated three-liter daily driver. Either way, this SC deserves better than a life spent sitting under a cover in someone’s backyard.

This WRX STI claims 500 horsepower from its 2.5-liter EJ25 flat-four, a claim which —while not impossible — would certainly be helped by a dyno chart from the seller. The mod list all seems to be in order, from the IAG Stage 2 shortblock and 20g turbocharger to the 1300cc injectors and flex fuel kit, but the car’s tune will be the true arbiter of its power level.

If this car does in fact make 500 horsepower, it must be a blast to drive. I’ve had the opportunity to try a (dyno-verified) 475-horsepower STI, and it was one of the more enjoyable automotive experiences I’ve had in a modified car — especially given that I didn’t have to pay for the mods. Lucky for you, the hard part’s done with this car. You just have to drive it.

I can’t explain why, but I’m on some kind of old car kick today. It shows in the selection for this slideshow — Novas and Rancheros and C10s, a slight difference from the usual cornucopia of broken JDM nonsense. No, today my brain is stuck on overpriced American nonsense. Which is not meaningfully better.

This Nova is at least mostly not-broken (the seller mentions its AC is busted) and has the price to match — $27,000 gets you a big American coupe that makes almost as much horsepower as a 2012 Honda Civic Si. Why am I so into these again?

I think I’m coming around on Harley-Davidson naming conventions. See, to normal human beings, this is a Night Rod. To pedants, it’s a V-Rod Night Rod Special. But to those truly in the know, it’s a VRSCDX. This is an impossible-to-remember name, which means something if you can manage to decipher it, but is utterly unparseable to outsiders. That’s camp.

With that realization in mind, I now love Harley model designations. To hell with your R6, your Gixxer 1000, or your Africa Twin. Give me some absurd mix of letters that looks like I should be decoding it with a ring from a cereal box. Make vehicle names worse.

You all know I love an honest old truck, and this is one of the most honest we’ve had. It’s old, faded, and dirty, the glove box is missing, and it hasn’t been registered in six years. Yet it’s had a recent mechanical overhaul, from the brakes to the steering to the engine.

This truck wears its years, but doesn’t act them. The seller claims it starts right up when asked, and that it’s still regularly driven — just not so far that the cops will notice the missing registration. If that’s not an honest truck, what is?

Count how many “mudflap girls” are on this car. I see at least five, and that’s only the start of the terrible decisions made by this Cadillac’s owner. There’s the leopard-print steering wheel cover under the school bus-style turning handle, the extremely modern-looking aftermarket speakers that don’t mesh at all with the car’s aesthetic. This Caddy has been abused.

But you could fix that. Rip off the scantily clad women, pull out (or at least cover) the aftermarket speakers. Under those aesthetic... decisions is a well-running Cadillac with an upsized Oldsmobile engine under the hood. This could be a fun little luxury car, given the chance.

Like I said, old American cars. My brain has inexplicably fixated on them today, and I am but a meat puppet subject to its random and often contradictory whims. This is also my excuse for pretending Chips Ahoy are a meal.

Right, yeah, cars. There’s a lot going for this Galaxie — it’s clean, seemingly well maintained, even the air conditioning and power steering work. But most of all, above everything else, is the paint. Look at that gorgeous bright teal. How could you say no to that?

This is admittedly more a car-shaped collection of GTO parts than it is an actual, functioning GTO, but there are some interesting parts assembled here. The seller claims to have two engine and transmission combos, both the car’s original numbers-matching 400ci V8 with its original automatic and a 455 with a rebuilt transmission. That alone is worth something.

The car has some rust (the seller blames a leaky roof in storage) but that’s nothing a little grinding and welding can’t fix. If you own neither a grinder nor a welder, this may not be your next summer car.

The seller of this Jetta claims to have “MORE THAN 80K INVESTED” in this “PROFESSIONAL RACE CAR.” That number is staggering, but there’s a lot going on with this Jetta — wide fenders, ground effects, a single racing seat ensconced within a massive full-car roll cage.

Given the age implied by some of the low-resolution photos, however, I’d start checking the parts of a race car that age out. Seats and harnesses expire, and these may be past their prime. That’s not the end of the world — replacements will bolt right in — but they could give you some bargaining room.

Have you ever wondered what a rear-wheel-drive Golf would be like? Wonder no more. This is a Toyota Starlet, an entirely normal mid-eighties family hatchback, but one that’s driven from the rear. I don’t know why either, FWD is just objectively better to package, but these cars were built anyway. For that, I love them.

This particular Starlet also seems to be in fantastic condition. The seller claims it was imported from Costa Rica and always garage-kept, the latter of which may explain how the steering wheel is so spotless. The listing also seems to include a Hot Wheels Starlet, which is the kind of free bonus you don’t say no to. .

This is why I love the 996-generation Porsche 911: They’re cheap enough to do dumb shit to. No one’s going to drop $100,000 on a new 911 just to saddle it with cheap aftermarket headlights and an unpainted rear wing (besides maybe YouTubers who can write it all off on their taxes), but for the prices these least-loved Porsches pull that’s suddenly feasible.

Of course, you come for the wild aesthetics, but stay for the sheer mileage on this car: 325,000 and counting. The seller claims this is their daily, which sees 200 miles every day, and that the engine’s had any possible IMS problems addressed long ago. Buy this 911 and do something dumb with it. It’s your duty to automotive enthusiasm. Stick it to the guys with numbers-matching Guards Red 964s.

He’ll yeah, borther. American car companies should bring back utes. Look at how well the Maverick and Santa Fe are doing — are you going to stand there and tell me modern buyers wouldn’t go for a Ranchero, Rampage, or El Camino?

No one uses their trucks for hauling or towing anyway, we may as well give them carlike driving dynamics. Market them as a performance upgrade and you’ll have buyers lining up at dealers before a single ute hits the showroom floor.

This Johnny Pag Spyder is such a period piece. The flames, the chrome, the low-profile tires. It’s a bike that’s incredibly, specifically, of its era — something you couldn’t build today. You wouldn’t want to. You’d build the Rebel 300 instead.

But this was built, and it was built to lower the barrier to entry on customized choppers. If you were watching American Chopper back in the day, and wanted that style without having to own a thousand-pound Harley as your first bike, you could instead get yourself one of these — a compact(ish) 300cc cruiser. All the style, none of the weight. Let’s be honest, performance never mattered on these anyway.