Lancia Beta, Honda Civic Type R, Toyota Townace: The Dopest Cars I Found for Sale Online

So you want a retro-styled bike, but you’re so over Triumphs. You like the Italian engineering, but you’re not into the scrambler aesthetic. Well, my oddly picky friend, I have the solution for you: the Ducati SportClassic.

The SportClassic wasn’t long for this world when it came out, but the years we had with it were beautiful. Now, since their production was so limited, they all command stupid price tags. But this one isn’t too bad — and, in Miami, at least it hasn’t had a life of road salt and potholes.

The seller here claims that this Evo X is “the cheapest Evo on the Internet.” I believe that, since this is well into “suspiciously cheap” territory. But there’s no reward without risk, and what’s more risky than buying a temperamental rally car from some guy online?

This Evo is definitely modified, but how modified is anyone’s guess. There’s some aftermarket piping in the engine bay, but what else lurks beneath that vented hood? Who knows?

Or, you could just get the best car. A Championship White Civic Type R is a hard car to beat, even for the mighty Evo. Personally, I’d take the Honda in a heartbeat, and I even live somewhere that pretends AWD is a winter necessity. Don’t buy into it.

This Type R is selling for approximately MSRP, which is somehow still rare all these years later. With the new model starting to hit dealers, maybe prices for these FK8s will go down. If they do, I want one.

I need you all to appreciate just how long the trunk is on this Pontiac. This car must be about a thousand feet long, because that trunk just keeps going. I understand why classic movie mobsters were always throwing people in their trunks now. You could probably have a whole poker game in there.

Sure, I guess there’s more to this LeMans GTO than just the trunk. There’s an engine, some wheels, really thin A-pillars. It goes miles per hour in seconds, and hits a top speed. Whatever. It’s trunk time, baby,

You all know me. I love a good Japanese van, particularly when it’s got a diesel engine and four driven wheels. Someday I’ll be able to afford one, and I’ll take it to the ends of the earth with a Honda Transalp towed behind it in a trailer. Until that day, though, I need to live vicariously through you.

This Townace is lightly modified, with a 3" lift to clear chunky off-road tires. Parts of the driveline, including the turbo and diesel injection pump, have been rebuilt according to the seller. What’s left to break?

He’ll yeah, brother. Look at that patina. Look at those wheels. Listen to the roar of that “350 motor very healthy.” This is a truck that’s seen some shit, and what’s left to do but put it through more?

The seller of this C10 claims they’re interested in a “Possible trade for Tacoma truck,” meaning all you Tacoma sedan owners can kick rocks. But, which would you rather have — a Tacoma, or this perfect vehicular accumulation of character?

(Yeah I’d take the Taco too.)

Normally I wouldn’t include a listing with no set price in the description. But I am a sucker for ‘70s design, especially when it’s adorned with a Lancia badge and an absolutely perfect green-on-caramel color combination. Click through to the ad, look at that interior, and tell me automotive design didn’t peak right there.

The seller of this Beta seems to be a wealth of information on the car, from the history of the model to exactly why the name Beta was chosen. It’s worth at least asking what the price is, because this kind of perfection doesn’t come around every day.

This 200D is an interesting one. The stately proportions and pale-blue-over-red color combination speak to establishment, heritage, the kind of person who would be a villain in a John Hughes movie. The kind of person who could hire, or fire, your whole family.

But this 200D is a little different. It hides a 1982 240D diesel engine swap, which brings the car’s drivetrain closer to Judd Nelson in spirit than Paul Gleason. I’ve known more people who live out of 240s than who pristinely maintain them, and I hope this car gains a bit of that nomad attitude.

In a recent Facebook Marketplace window shopping extravaganza, I made an interesting discovery: it turns out that Triumph Daytona 675s are all dirt cheap. Every one left on this planet is a little beat up, a little haggard, and costs between three and four thousand dollars. I have no evidence to prove otherwise.

This Daytona 675 is no exception. Sure, it’s got a salvage title, but what does that mean for a track bike? Buy it, fix the fairings, and take it out to your local sanctioned racing event. What could possibly go wrong?

I’ll admit, I did a double take at this ad. “Oh, a 996 for $42,500, must be a Turbo or something.” But it didn’t have the widebody, or the bumper, or — hang on. This is just a regular Carrera, with over 150,000 miles, for over $42,000.

Are 996es expensive now? Did everyone get wind of the One Remaining Cheap 911, and decide that we poors couldn’t even have that? This ad doesn’t even mention an IMS fix! This is supposed to be our, cheap, lovable Porsche, and they stole it from us.

Fine, then. We’ll go back to our other cheap, lovable cars. We’ll return to Civics with mismatched body panels and off-brand red badges, where the wheels are merely described as “performance” and the interior has enough lit-up gauges to be seen from space. You can take our Porsches, but you can’t take our home-built tuner cars.

And this Civic is, truly, tuned. It’s had a B20 head swapped onto its engine, breathing VTEC life into a lowly base chassis. The engine breathes in and out through aftermarket piping, and there even looks to be a catch can mounted on the firewall. Just ignore the rust under the “Gloss Gun Metal Type R style” paint.

Now this is my favorite kind of Craigslist ad. A heavily modified Subaru, with the least helpful description imaginable. This ad just says “Car in good condition super fast has a lot of extras price is negotiable clean ny title.” What more could you possibly want to know about a Subaru with both Punisher and Scarface iconography under the hood?

Let me help you out here, prospective buyer. The headlights are aftermarket, and the wheels look like Enkei RPF1s. The radiator hoses have been upgraded, and the engine breathes in through an aftermarket Cobb intake (though the turbo inlet pipe seems factory, so make sure it hasn’t worn out). The top-mount intercooler, a weak point for high-boost builts, has been replaced with an all-metal unit. There’s an oil catch can, and at least the radiator cap is Mishimoto — possibly the whole radiator. Oh, and there are coilovers. And an aftermarket front wing.

I’ve wondered recently about what the most antagonistic engine swap would be. A Tesla swap into a Cummins Ram, or a Ferrari motor in a Huracan. But I think this Factory Five Shelby Daytona is ripe for evil experimentation, and that you, reader, should be the experimenter.

Currently it has a 302 V8, but that’s boring. Every Factory Five gets that. You should immediately rip that out, and replace it with something far less suited to the chassis. Nissan Leaf drivetrain? A Hayabusa motor? Leave your worst pick in the comments.

Or you could just start with a car that actually needs the help. Five grand here gets you one of the prettiest cars ever crafted on this her Earth, but it’s in a bad way. It needs parts, it needs work, it needs love. But, maybe, not as much of those as it would seem.

The paint on this Volvo P1800 seems smooth, not chipped or cracked or rusting through. The ride height looks even between front and rear, meaning there could even be an engine weighing the front end down. Just slap a headlight in, give it a good once-over, and you may have yourself a gorgeous new daily driver. Or, at least, a very cool statue.

Here’s a funny story: I actually tried to buy this bike. Not this make and model, not even this year, this exact bike. Before I picked up my own BMW GS, I found this one for sale on Facebook Marketplace. I sent a message, started figuring out ATMs in the area, and then never heard back.

Not for a couple of months, at least. But this 650GS has been posted to Craigslist now, meaning the seller likely has a sense of urgency about actually getting it off to another home. My loss here could be your gain, as a bright-yellow adventure bike for three grand is very tempting. Actually, anyone want to just buy my GS? I’ll take this one instead.