Tired of the whole What Is Jeremy Clarkson Doing Now That He’s Got More Free Time On His Hands, You Know, After He Got Fired From Top Gear, Yes, Top Gear, Remember That Show, It Was On TV Like Twelve Years Ago thing? No? Great. Here’s Clarkson auctioning off a pile of literal crap. And also, talking about Top Gear.
Seriously, if you’re sick of the whole Clarkson Brothers and Hammond & May Circus, just stop reading now. It won’t get better. It’ll just get worse. You know how people are already whining about the presidential election, and it’s like nine years away? Yeah, this is like that. But worse.
You’ve been warned. Vomit noise.
Clarkson has lived in the devastatingly posh town of Chipping Norton for years, but like many towns devastatingly posh and otherwise, it has a local community pool. (You might actually know this pool, in fact, from the time Clarkson pretended to drive a Rolls-Royce into it.) But every year the town throws an auction to support the swimming pool, and every year, Clarkson auctions off some crap.
That’s not really notable, as Clarkson wallowing in the muck will hardly surprise regular Top Gear viewers, but this time he did hint a bit at what might happen in the future for him and his co-hosting cohorts:
Remember in the olden days there used to be a television program called Top Gear? Which was on the BBC. Oh, we could be back, just somewhere else. Or maybe even not somewhere else, who knows?
That Clarkson, Hammond, and May, wouldn’t be completely off some form of television isn’t much of a surprise. While Clarkson does have a habit of punching unruly junior producers in the face, they’re all too wildly entertaining – and bring in way too much money – to be kept down for long.
The question is where they will all be headed. Netflix has been consistently mentioned in completely unfounded rumors, and James May has been doing pretty well for himself on Youtube. But Clarkson does actually bring up a good point in that they may actually just return to the BBC, as crazy as that sounds, because he, you know, punched a co-worker in the face. Would re-hiring Clarkson to host Top Gear be poor form for the Beeb?
Is it outside the realm of possibility? Probably not. Clarkson was already apparently welcome back enough to the network that he would be considered on the schedule for hosting a political game show, before pulling out of it himself. And he wasn’t fired from the BBC in its entirety, he was just fired from Top Gear. And maybe punching a guy in the face is really considered standard operating procedure there? Sure, the BBC says it isn’t, but who knows? I’ve never worked there. I hear face-punching can be a real fun team-building activity, like ziplining, or forcing all your coworkers to play chubby bunny.
But the real question here, to all the programming executives of the world, is CAN YOU PEOPLE PLEASE JUST HIRE THIS MAN ALREADY? Otherwise we’ll have to sit here, getting teased to the point of nausea, for months and months on end.
And at that point, we might just be so sick of the everything, we’ll be sick of the entire world.
H/t to Kyle!