Here on the Suckers Slideshow, we have some series favorites that seem to make appearances nearly every week. But if you’re tired of reading about Chevy K5s, rejoice — there isn’t one to be found on this most auspicious of Fridays. Instead, we’ve got a couple dark horses in the mix, vehicles we thought had topped out in price now offered from sellers determined to punish us for that optimism. Happy early weekend. Let’s see some suckers.
1971 Honda CT70H - $9,800
Hagerty value: $7,300 in concours condition
Just last week, a 1971 Honda CT70H found its way into our humble little Suckers Slideshow thanks to its over $9,000 sale price. Surely, I thought, no one would pay more than that for a seventies mini-dirtbike whose sale photos all appear to have been taken on the LG Voyager I owned in seventh grade! Dear reader, I had too much faith.
I present for your consideration another 1971 Honda CT70H. This one has a cracked headlight bucker, wrinkled decals, and chipped paint. No one knows how many miles have passed beneath those tiny four-spoke wheels. And yet, this Trail 70 sold for more than last week’s. Pour yourself a glass. It’s gonna be a long slideshow.
1985 Cadillac Seville - $21,700
NADA value: $6,150
This Cadillac Seville has a lot going for it. The blue-on-blue exterior, faux wire mesh wheels, and even the La-Z-Boy interior styling all look undeniably cool. It was even originally sold in my home state (and county) of Connecticut, where it was likely driven unbearably slowly by someone with more money than sense or remaining eyesight. Sure, the mileage is a mystery, but at least they were easy miles.
Connecticut is no easier on cars than it is on wallets, however, and this Seville is looking a bit worse for wear. The driver’s door is scratched, and a few of the close-up shots show bits of rust starting to peek through that two-tone paint. Yet, despite those flaws, it sold for over triple its book value. Someone paid nearly 22,000 United States dollars for an almost forty-year old GM product with a V8 powering its front wheels. Who does that?
2000 Honda Civic SiR Coupe - $30,666
NADA value: $4,200
I’ll admit, this one stings. The Civic SiR was the Canadian-market equivalent of our Civic Si, with only a few minor creature comforts differentiating the two. I’ve been eyeing these cars for what feels like ages, always wanting one but never wanting to pay the steadily rising prices. Now, apparently, they’re $30,000 cars.
This particular SiR has about 27,000 miles, and it looks sparkling clean. You could eat off the valve cover, and I would if it meant scoring a $25,000 discount on this perfect specimen of early-aughts budget performance. This sold for more than a new Civic Si costs, and the comments on the auction talk about keeping it in the garage as a “conversation piece.” I doubt it’ll ever see its 8,000 RPM redline again, and for that we should all shed a tear.
2000 BMW M5 - $45,500
NADA value: $35,100
For a different flavor of overpriced early-aughts performance, how about a nice E39 BMW M5? This car has been listed twice now on Bring A Trailer, after it failed to sell at $33,000 back in 2020. It’s back now with a vengeance and some replacement parts, which apparently earned it another $12,500 in value. Pretty great return on that investment.
One has to wonder if the E39 M5, beloved as it is, is a $45,000 driving experience. In perfect condition, I imagine they’re fantastic, but this car’s list of modifications prove it wasn’t enough for the previous owner. Maybe that’s the decades of wear and tear dulling the magic, or modern tires doing unforeseen things to late-nineties suspension technology. Either way, is it really worth it?
1987 Buick Grand National - $77,000
Hagerty value: $52,500
Look, I get the appeal. The Buick Grand National is the closest any car will ever get to being Darth Vader, with its hard-edged body lines and stern “I’m not mad, just disappointed” face. Its hopped-up twin, the GNX, was one of the fastest cars in the world at a time when Lamborghini still made the Countach. What more could you want?
Well, for starters, you could want that GNX. The Grand National, similar though it is, doesn’t hold a candle to its McLaren-tuned alternative. It doesn’t even have fender vents! Turbocharged cars with 245 horsepower aren’t exactly hard to come by in 2022, and yet these still command absurd prices. Men will really spend nearly $80,000 on a car that reminds them of a stern parent instead of going to therapy.
2020 Ford Mustang Shelby GT350 Heritage Edition - $85,000
NADA value: $69,575
The Mustang GT350 is, by all accounts, a very good car. It has the good engine, the good transmission, and sounds absolutely incredible. Surely this one, with its 1,600 miles and Heritage Edition package, must be the one to get — that fancy limited-run option package can’t be all for show, right?
Actually, it can be. The Heritage Edition is simply the combination of “white paint and blue stripes,” a pairing that has never before or since been offered on the Ford Mustang. Yes, this is a different white from the other two shades of white offered on the current Mustang, but I’ll ask the hard question here: Will anyone notice? Will you notice?
1987 Toyota Supra Turbo - $88,888
Hagerty value: $59,700 in concours condition
The third-generation Toyota Supra, particularly in turbo trim, rules. Look at those wheels, those turn signals, that targa roof, and tell me this isn’t the peak of automotive design. The interior is wall-to-wall burgundy for chrissakes. For nine grand, this is an absolute stea— I’m sorry, ninety grand? Now hang on.
This Supra made 230 horsepower when it was new, and this one’s mere 147 miles likely haven’t changed that number by too much. But for this price, it may as well make none — it’s unlikely to see anything outside of a climate-controlled garage for years to come.
1991 GMC Syclone - $108,000
Hagerty value: $44,000 in concours condition
Out of every sale we’ve featured here on the Suckers Slideshow, this GMC Syclone may be the most egregious. I’m no genius mathematician, but I own a calculator, and it tells me that this truck sold for nearly two and a half times its book value. Is this truck in perfect, original, unadulterated condition? It genuinely seems so, but that’s what the concours condition pricing assumes. You don’t get bonus points beyond that.
People in the comments of this auction argued over what it would take to bring the Syclone back to roadworthy condition, whether all its hoses and bushings would need replacement or if it had been so insulated from the elements that they’re likely okay. Both sides, however, miss the point — this Syclone will never be roadworthy, but not by any mechanical limits. It’s simply too valuable to ever expose to the harsh realities of our world. It will eventually die in a garage, having never known life.
1933 Ford SAR Roadster - $137,500
NADA value: Replicas never really get book prices
How do you value a car that’s not a survivor, restoration, or restomod? What’s the dollar value of a replica built with modern parts, a competitor’s engine, and a mix of period-correct and updated engineering? Can you still say a car is a 1933 model if it was built in 2002? Is something a Ford if neither its body nor chassis came from the Blue Oval?
This 1933-ish, Ford-ish, SAR Roadster looks at all these questions and answers “Yeah, why not?” Even its title lists it as a 1933 Ford, the legality of which seems to vary by state. I understand that, having never seen American Graffiti, I am not the target audience for this car. But at over $137,000 for something with few creature comforts, who is?
2017 Ariel Nomad Tactical - $146,000
Current MSRP: Starts at $92,250
Once again, we have been given a car that you can just go out and buy today being sold for over MSRP on Bring A Trailer. We’ve seen it with Porsches and Civics, but today’s example is an Ariel Nomad Tactical — rarer, sure, but still in production.
The Nomad’s buyer commented on this auction after winning, claiming that “inflation is 15%-20% from when this one sold new.” That isn’t true, but it isn’t far off of the 14.7% number estimated from CPI data. More importantly, it’s irrelevant — used car prices aren’t calculated by starting from MSRP and then factoring in inflation. Used cars, hot take, are generally worth less than new ones. At least, they should be, but buyers like these seem intent on changing things up.