Screenshot: Speed Academy (YouTube)

If you’re like me, it’s been at least two decades since you got a good night of sleep. You lay awake at night. The bags under your eyes frighten people. Your mood has steadily worsened. And still, you stare at your bedroom ceiling and wonder what the Plymouth Prowler would be like on the track.

I have a friend named Yuri who happens to be a Canadian YouTuber, one-half of the Straight Pipes YouTube hosting duo. We shared beers in a Portuguese McDonald’s once and now our bond is forever.

Advertisement

Anyway, Yuri did what all of you jamokes only threaten to do, and he went out and actually bought his damn dream car—a yellow Plymouth Prowler. You have to respect it.

You also have to respect Yuri letting Dave Pratte from the Speed Academy YouTube channel put the Prowler around a track:

I am shocked to learn these cars didn’t have a ton of power, and even more shocked to learn that they switched out engine blocks starting in 1999 after two years of trying to convince the world a 215 horsepower V6 in a car that looks like this was acceptable. It is not! The 250 hp unit it upgraded to isn’t much better!

And then the four-speed auto, which Yuri says is supposed to kick like a mule, well if there was ever a car I would go to war for a manual on, it’s something with two seats, open top, exposed steering linkage in the front, and the name “Plymouth Prowler.”

But whatever! Because the thing isn’t even that bad on track. It’s not great, by any margin, but it also didn’t go flying off the track in a terrifying display of tire smoke and understeer like I expected. In the end, it got a better time than a 2019 Mazda 3 and Mazda CX3, so it’s got that going for it.

Advertisement

But who cares! Fuck if it doesn’t just look cool!