Photo: Audi

I’d like to tell you about a vicious cycle regarding the awesome Audi RS wagons that dominates my brain every time I think about them. I’m telling you because I believe that nobody should suffer alone, so I’m taking you on this journey with me.

This particular episode was triggered by a tipster who wrote in to say they’d heard from an unnamed Audi rep that the Audi RS6 Avant is coming to the United States for the 2020 model year with the 4.0-liter, twin-turbo V8.

Even though I know nothing is going to come of it, we e-mailed Audi for comment a few times anyway. I’ll update if I hear back.

I felt my heart leap, similarly to the way it does when I walk by a Nordstrom Rack and see the Red Tag Clearance signs. Finally, would this finally be the generation where we’d get the RS6 wagon? Finally, would our puny American prayers be answered?

I floated along on this cloud of hopeful happiness until reason kicked me in the mouth. I thought about the other power wagons currently being offered. The Mercedes-AMG E63 pales in comparison to SUV sales. And Jag is barely moving any XF Sportbrakes. It’s been selling between 10 and 34 of them a month earlier this year. Wagons don’t sell here. And Audi, a Company that needs to make Money, already knows this.

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And then I thought about Audi’s upcoming portfolio and it intention to produce a bunch of new all-electric vehicles, starting with the E-Tron. In short, it’s committing to producing EVs on the high-end and luxury level, which is where the trend is headed. Introducing a pricey, gas-burning performance car wouldn’t make much sense.

With all of those reasons running through my brain, that little RS6 wagon-shaped flame of joy snuffed out immediately, leaving the room in my head for such things a lot darker than before.

But because this is a cycle, the whole thing is just going to happen again when the next RS6-wagon-coming-to-America rumors circulate. I’ll meet you back here when they do.