I asked what your worst experiences traveling with animals were, and unsurprisingly many of you sad sacks talked about that last ride to the vet to say goodbye to your furry friend. I’ve been there and I feel you. We’re not focusing on those because the world is sad enough, instead let us revel in the reflected glow of others’ comedic mischance.
Flying With Dick Face
We were moving cross country and they were flying while I drove the truck and towed the car. They choose a red eye so the spawn would sleep and 3-year-old cat would be calm (nicknamed “Dick face” because he’s a tuxedo cat with a dick. On. His. Face.).Cat is drugged with a prescription from the vet, tucked in to a soft carrier and placed under the seat in front of the spawn. About 30mins into the 6hr flight, he begins to quietly meow every 30 seconds or so. Seated behind them was a 6-ish year old girl that proceeded to meow back at him for the *entire flight*. My SO talked to me the next day, completely frazzled. Apparently they were both just random enough you couldn’t tell when it was going to happen, keeping everyone awake the whole time.
Submitted by: IStillMissMyXJ
Lucifer’s One Trip to Jersey
Mid-1980s, some guy named Chad buys the house across the street from mine. Chad is a typical ‘80 yuppie, a little full of himself but generally a nice guy. Chad owns a large, black Great Dane with cropped ears and a docked tail named ‘Lucifer.’ Lucifer looks menacing but is essentially a 180 lb puppy. Chad and Lucifer walk around the neighborhood 2-3 times a day, which upsets our neighbor, Mrs. Cromwell, who calls the police on Chad, but that’s a tale for another time. About 6 months after moving in, Chad buys a Saab 900 Turbo 3-door, explaining that he wants to visit his parents’ house in North Jersey on a regular basis and the Saab has enough room for Lucifer to lay down in the cargo area with the seats down. There was exactly ONE trip to North Jersey with Lucifer. It seems that Lucifer had a sensitive tummy, got motion sick on the NJ Turnpike and puked about five pounds of semi-digested dog food on the inside of the Saab. I cannot imagine the mess. After that, Chad paid me $20.00 per weekend to feed and walk Lucifer, with the added bonuses of Chad’s house having air conditioning, cable TV and a VCR (luxuries I could not afford at the time) plus a fully stocked beer fridge.
Submitted by: Earthbound Misfit I
A Very Patient Wife
Post-Christmas drive across Alberta to Saskatoon. This would have been about eight years ago. Our two kids were old enough to take up space in the back seat of the MDX, the rear cargo hatch was full, and the dog (then 50ish lbs) needed a place to ride. We’d originally put him between the kids but all three of them quickly grew tired of that. So, the dog climbed up and rode on the centre console. That was great... for a while. He eventually decided that he wanted attention and crawled behind my wife, between her back and the seat back. He stayed there for three hours. We talked about pulling over and moving him. But it was freezing cold and visibility was nil; not the safest of situations. So, my ever-patient wife sighed and said “It’s fine” in a resigned tone. She rode leaning forward for three hours until we got to her sister’s house.
Submitted by: JohnnyWasASchoolBoy
Descent Into Hell (also Seattle)
Flew with my cat from Chicago to Seattle. Had him in a carrier under the seat in front of me and on heavy sedatives. 30 min before landing the sedatives wore off and he released the full contents of his bowels and bladder, all in liquid form. He then became angry and loud. The noise and intense smell were unavoidable for everyone, but because we were on the final descent, couldn’t take him to the bathroom to clean him up. That taxiing to the gate was interminable.
Submitted by: ShowCowGo
Off to group class with the dogs. Load two German Shepherds in the back of my bud’s ZJ. After an hour of socialization and an hour of bite work, load them up for the 15-minute ride home. Along the way, bud’s dog couldn’t hold it any longer and blew diarrhea all over the back of his Jeep.
Submitted by: Clay_T
We were taking my dog to my parent’s house to drop off the dog, and car, and get a ride to the airport for our honeymoon. The dog loves to go visit because my parents at the time had two dogs he loves to play with. The drive was about 30 minutes, all highway until a few blocks from my parents. This day there was a wreck on the highway and we jumped off to take the surface streets. This gets the dog’s attention and he starts to get excited. We are just over halfway to our destination. We try and talk him down. Get him to relax. See if we can get him to sit down again. It’s important to mention, he is a Great Dane/ German shorthair mix. 90lbs of dog. We spend 10 more minutes heading to the house and trying to distract him. We are 2 or 3 lights away from my parents’ neighborhood, end in sight when the dog takes the biggest, smelliest shit in the back seat of our Yaris. Ashamed, confused, anxious, and with me opening windows and swearing, he proceeds to stomp and grind the shit into every part of the back seat, door cards, floor, and anything else he touches. With traffic delays, we were getting to my parents with about 10 minutes before we would have to leave for the airport. I pulled up, lead the dog around to the backyard, pulled our luggage from the truck, and opened all the doors. My dad walked out to greet us, looked at my frustration and the scene on his front lawn, and burst out laughing until he got within stink distance of the car. He stopped laughing. My mom got us loaded into their car for the airport, and I told them to just leave it and I would have to deal with it when we get back in 12 days. Upon our return, we were greeted with a happy dog and the surprise that my father had taken the interior out of our car and had a company come clean in. Apparently, there was dog doo in every seat, under the back seat, on the parcel shelf, and on the headliner. It took 3 hours to clean out even with the interior seats and door cards pulled. The dog only ever rode to the parents after that in my truck with a vinyl floor and a seat cover.
Submitted by: Black B5
Keep the Cats in Their Carriers, Folks
Moving cross country in the XJ, towing a 6'x12' enclosed trailer (which is too big for the XJ). All of our stuff is in the trailer and the cat is in the carrier in the back with the seats folded down and the door open. This cat, not Dick Face in my other post, is super chill and doesn’t leave his carrier. Until he does. On 80 going into SLC, it’s a sizeable downhill stretch. I’m already white knuckling it as the trailer is beginning to drive the XJ because I’m stupid and inexperienced at towing. Cat decides *that now* is the perfect time to leave the carrier, get a case of the zoomies and dive right under the brake pedal. I have been in several life-or-death situations, but that was easily the most nerve-wracking. Thankfully I was in a situation I had to keep speeding up, instead of slowing down, to keep the trailer in line. Absolutely terrifying.
Submitted by: IStillMissMyXJ
Christmas 1987. Took a family trip in the motorhome to northern Cali to celebrate with my grandparents. Nothing unusual there, but the day we arrived, a stray cat showed up on their doorstep. Cold weather, very hungry kitten, long story short we adopted him. On the way back home, the motorhome was backfiring a lot. No biggie, but a bit of a freaked-out kitten, until we got to Eugene. MASSIVE backfire, so we pulled over to check things out. The muffler was now three times its normal diameter, with a huge rip down the side. After limping the motorhome to the driveway of family in town, and prying the cat off the ceiling, we bedded down and replaced the muffler the next day. Head back out the next day, getting to a rest stop just south of Portland. Me being 17, my parents asked if I wanted to drive. Sure, why not? Start out, get just about to freeway speed, and the front of the motorhome starts shaking and bouncing all over the place. Pull over to the shoulder, making sure my parents know I didn’t do anything wrong. Check things out, can’t see what is going on. Pull forward a bit, and one of my parents notice the right front wheel isn’t turning. Get to the end of an onramp, back down it, and over to a service station a block away. Dad convinces them to let him use their tools and garage bay, and 5 hours later (with MUCH cursing included), he finally gives up and calls a tow truck. The first place they take it to gives it one look and about 5 minutes and says they can’t do anything about it. Get towed to a 24-hour truck repair shop, and they have a go. Almost 20 hours of work later, they let us know that the bearings had disintegrated, and welded the hub to the axle. All of this activity with a new kitten who lived to be 18, and was one of the most laid-back cats you will ever see. Unless you threatened his dogs, then he would go toe to toe with any dog. But that’s another story.
Submitted by: Phydeaux
When we had to evacuate for Hurricane Matthew we borrowed my in-law’s Raptor to book it to Chattanooga. We had 3 cats, one of which was a stray we had found a couple weeks prior that didn’t get along with the other cats at all, and a big dog. We only had one pet carrier at the time so the stray was the one that got it. The dog took up most of the back seat, one cat camped out in the passenger side foot well, the other cat I had to keep shooing away from being on the dash right behind the steering wheel. The only saving grace was that we managed to get on I-16 right after the east-bound lanes were reversed to aide in evacuation. We sailed past all the traffic that was backed up on the normal west-bound side of the freeway, only having to dodge the odd bozo that decided to cut through the grass median to get out of the gridlock and reach the side that was actually moving. If you thought I16 between Macon and Savannah was bad/boring on the best of days, you have no idea how bad it is when it’s a chaotic traffic jam 166 miles long.
Submitted by: Brian Evans
Somehow There’s a Snake?
Driving a loaded U-Haul with a truck on a trailer in tow, with 3 dogs in a space meant for one human, a giant tortoise in the back of the U-Haul, a box turtle and a snake as well, from the West Coast to New York. Absolute mayhem. We lost 3 tires on the trailer as the trip progressed, two in one day.
Submitted by: Traci Jennings