Here Are Some Easy Ways To Make Honda's Terrible Formula One Engine Competitive

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Honda, as of late, makes a very bad Formula One engine. Just ask the McLaren-Honda team and golden boy Fernando Alonso, who are both sick of “racing” it. (“Racing” is done with a working engine, hence the quotations.) But, even now, series bosses said they’re doing “everything they can” to keep Honda in F1.

Honda could very well be barreling toward a rumored breakup with McLaren Honda, the only team that loves misery enough to run its engines. If that happens and Honda can’t latch onto another team, which it hasn’t had luck with so far, the supplier could be forced out.


Here’s what F1 bosses told Autosport about Honda, which they really, truly hope to keep around:

F1 commercial boss Sean Bratches said keeping Honda in the championship “would benefit everyone” in the long term and he is “optimistic” a solution can be found.

“We don’t want to lose Honda,” Bratches told Autosport. “Honda is a long and valued partner of F1.

“We’re trying to do everything we can to encourage the respective parties to keep them in the sport and grow because we think there’s a huge opportunity going forward for everyone involved in F1. ...”

Except, uh, they’re not doing everything they can. Here, F1, take some fabulous and free advice on how to keep Honda in the sport and actually competitive for years to come:

  1. Shorten all of the races to between 500 meters and one lap, because 16 laps is pushing it and this 40 or 50 stuff is unheard of.
  2. Give Honda an engine to use. C’mon. Haven’t they tried hard enough? An “E” for effort, we say. Also an “E” for engine failure, if you need to use short hand in the DNF column.
  3. Mandate that everyone else ride tricycles branded by their engine supplier while Honda uses the cars, because the brands are what matter most and these brands need to be on a level playing field. It’s only for a lap, anyway.
  4. Take a Whose Line Is It Anyway approach to things, where engine importance is made up and the points don’t matter!
  5. Cut down every other team’s engine power at the start of the year (if you don’t go with the equally-as-good trike option, of course), and slowly but surely allow them to raise it as the season goes on. That way, they’ll be on the same delayed schedule as Honda. If golf can handicap, racing can too. It’ll be great, promise.

That should do it, F1. This way, you’ll never have to worry about Honda leaving or being forced out of your wonderful sport. What a great solution for all.

You’re welcome.