For $6,000, Cheetos Never Prosper

Nice Price Or Crack PipeIs this used car a good deal? You decide!

Cheetos are like cheesy and delicious little angel turds presented in a mylar bag. Today’s Nice Price or Crack Pipe rolling advertisement Chevy Caprice could also be considered kind of cheesy, but will its price have you whispering, my lord!?

Considering that the U.S. Postal Service’s current dire financial straits has been artificially created by a stupid act of Congress, I’d say it’s high time we give our nation’s under-appreciated mail carriers a well deserved break.


Sadly, yesterday’s ratted-out and postal themed DJ on an S-10 frame wasn’t going to help. In fact, not only did its price not deliver with a monumental 94% Crack Pipe loss, but it also incurred the ire of many of you just because of its dorky appearance.

Because of the response to yesterday’s kwazy kustom, today we’re going with something far more sedate, non-controversial, and totally anonymous in appearance.

Oh the hell with that, let’s do the Cheetos car instead.

Cheetos, the cheesy puffed corn snack, were first invented back in 1948 by Charles Elmer Doolin, and were sold regionally through the Frito company. Frito later merged with H.W. Lay creating Frito-Lay, and opening Cheetos to nation-wide distribution.


The tasty snack treats weren’t always called Cheetos, in the earliest days they were Chee-tos. Unfortunately that’s just one dyslexic away from toe cheese, and that’s not something any sensible person would want to pull out of a vending machine short of a bet.


While damn delicious, Cheetos - in their multitude of flavors - are one of the messiest means of relief when you have the munchies, leading some enterprising partakers to use chopsticks to eat them.

You know what else is a hot mess? Today’s 1994 Chevy Caprice, that's what. Look, do you remember Zune Guy, the sweaty betty who got the Microsoft Zune logo tattooed on his arm because mental health services in his state were lacking? Yeah, well this customized Caprice isn't quite that deep-tissue demonstration of brand fealty, but considering its size it’s a far more prominent one.


But maybe you really like Cheetos? You do like Cheetos, right? I mean, who doesn’t? If that’s the case then it goes naturally that you’d like this Cheetos car. Just don’t try and eat it, stoners.


Sporting a wildly flamed and snack preference announcing paint scheme, this ’94 Caprice is all that and a bag of chips. That might not be immediately apparent as the pics in the ad appear to have been taken with a child’s pinhole camera, but you can check out the car in all its glory hole in the video below.

Yes, it once rolled on wicked big-ass bling rings, but those have now been replaced by a set of way-somber black steelies. That does nothing to detract from the Cheetos-infused awesomeness that is the rest of the car, however.


That includes custom red and orange upholstery that goes the extra mile by featuring yellow piping. Yellow piping! The Cheetos Cheetah represents on just about every surface here, and there’s even a frickin’ TV in the steering wheel. Man, I didn’t see that one coming.


What you might not see coming is this custom Chevy’s $6,000 price tag. It’s now time for you to wipe that orange crumbly crust from your fingers and hit the vote button for that price. What’ll it be, a Nice Price win for this Jumpin’ Cheetosaphat Chevy, or a Crack Pipe loss?

You decide!


Chicago Craigslist, or go here if the ad disappears.

H/T to Brian Maggi for the hookup!

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