Today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe VW New Beetle Turbo may look like your standard flower vase-wearing Chardonnay-sipper, but with its overbite intercooler, it only drinks high-test.
Yesterday's Z Rod was about as popular as A Rod, although it probably wasn't steroids that were to blame for the car's funky appearance. Despite what seemed like a getting a lot for your money, the Z Rod's freaky nature held sway and 66.85% of you sent it back to the Crack Pipe minors.
While that car's mods were worn on its sleeve, or on its fenderless front (come to think of it, that Z Rod did seem like the automotive equivalent of a wife-beater) today's contender is a car that's not typically driven by purveyors of that fashion statement. The VW New Beetle celebrates the original car that ingratiated the brand to American car buyers. Or, it reminds folks of Hitler, depending on who you ask. This 2002 Turbo represented the hottest version of the Golf-based homage to roundy VWs of old. The 1.8 turbo four was, at the time, considered to be one of the best motors built, and at 180-bhp, the SOHC four brought some pretty big balls to the party.
But for some, their balls can never be too big, and in the case of the owner of this dropped Cyber Green edition, its balls needed some tweaking. To do so he added a more capacious air-to-air intercooler on the down-low. In fact, it required removal of the front valance to fit, giving the car an appearance of some sort of vampiric guppy. Additional visual mods include a 2" drop on 18" five-spokes and rocker/running boards that have been painted silver, or maybe they've been wrapped in duct tape, the automotive equivalent of pleather. And of course there's the little hatch-top spoiler that pops up at 45 mph so the cops have yet another visual clue of how close they are to fulfilling their monthly quota. ka-chig!
There's no shots of the interior in the ad, and the seller admits it to be pretty dirty and torn up so you might not want to bareback this beetle. On the plus side, he claims it only has 80K on its clock and the 1.8 is backed up by five supporting players. The Dub is only 8 years old, but he claims to have replaced a good deal of its dangly bits including the alternator and water pump less than 30 ago. Also, he doesn't seem too confident about it passing smog, which is. . . concerning.
You might also be concerned about just being seen in a New Beetle, rabid Turbo or not, as it does have a reputation as being a Barbi's Dream Car- favored by both vapid sorority sisters and the gay men who will become their downstairs confidants after they leave college and have to deal with devils and the Pradas and all that urban shit that The Hills never prepared them for. But that's not to say that you have to fit in either of those categories to drive one, and while we don't know the proclivities of the seller, he does claim to be a mechanic, which the gayest of the toolbox touting trades - you'll notice that the Village People never had a mechanic as a member, it was just too obvious.
Whether gay or straight, everybody wants to get a good deal, and now it's time for you to determine if this New Beetle's $5,000 price tag is old news. Does that price make you want to consider your confidence in your manhood? Or, for that much would you just be taking it up the ass? Not that there's anything wrong with that.
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