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For $12,500, This Cutlass Is A Master-Gator

Illustration for article titled For $12,500, This Cutlass Is A Master-Gator
Nice Price Or No DiceIs this used car a good deal? You decide!

Donks are a special breed of car culture, favoring audacious style over function. Today’s Nice Price or Crack Pipe gator-themed Cutlass is perfect example of this, but will its price put it between a croc and a hard place?


When it comes to both donks and a dude’s downstairs dangle, there's no question that size matters. Don’t let anyone tell you different. Derived from the slang term for a bootilicious lady’s back bumper, the donk culture arose out of Southern Hip Hop, which itself was a reaction to the East Coast/West Coast bias in the genre.

Mostly featuring American iron from the ‘80s and ‘90s, the objet d'art of the form is to fit insanely huge wheels under the car, making the whole thing look like some sort of urban swamp buggy.


Today’s Oldsmobile Cutlass takes the swamp theme a step further having been customized in the form of an alligator fetishist’s wet dream. The pics in the Craigslist ad aren’t all that great, and in fact a couple look like pics of pics snapped off a TV screen, what’s up with that?

Illustration for article titled For $12,500, This Cutlass Is A Master-Gator

Further clouding the issue, the ad’s description doesn’t even extend to the car’s year nor whether or not any real gators were harmed in its creation.

But oh what a creation it is.

Resplendent in a scaled metallic green over gator belly colored five spoke high boys, this G-body looks to be an ’84-’88 edition. The most prominent feature, aside from the insanely phat wheels, is the alligator mascot - or perhaps that’s an anthropomorphic hood scoop - adorning the engine lid.

Illustration for article titled For $12,500, This Cutlass Is A Master-Gator

There’s more reptile on the inside, as well as a slew of little TV screens, stereo components and more scaly textures. The gators in here are also chrome-plated for that final touch of WTF? No word on whether the sneaks in the passenger footwell come with, but you do get a cool old school Hurst shifter with the purchase.


Look, I know this car isn’t your cup of O.E., and to be honest it isn’t mine either. That doesn’t however make it tragic or uninteresting, and in fact when it comes to show donks, this one is pretty amazing. The alligator theme is not only weirdly wonderful, but it’s also balls-deep. You don’t typically see that level of commitment to theme in cars like this.

Illustration for article titled For $12,500, This Cutlass Is A Master-Gator

So, today I’m asking you to step out of your comfort zone and consider for a minute the purchase of this gator-baitor, not for yourself but for someone how would totally respect such a show-stopping car- like maybe the world's biggest UofF fan. I then want you to consider whether that individual should pay the seller’s $12,500 asking price.

What do you think, is $12,500 a donkin’ good deal? Or, should that price make anyone say later gator?


You decide!


Gainsville Craigslist, or go here if the ad disappears.

H/T to BigBroBri for the hookup. Yeah, he a playah.

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Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire

Seat's ripped. CP