Nice Price Or Crack PipeIs this used car a good deal? You decide!  

Nice Price or Crack Pipe wants you to take the long way home in a questionably-hued Pinto with only 40,000 miles — mostly spent mostly pulling into the garage, and then out again, in and out . . .

Yesterday, 81% of you danced the sexy samba of the Crack Pipe over the rotting corpse of the Uruguayan Panhard 24CT, wise that you are. Today, we're bringing the sexy back with a fleshbot-approved 1978 Pinto that looks like something you'd find on Perez Hilton's nightstand.

What can we say about the '78 Pinto that hasn't been cursed a thousand times? Punky and slow, with mediocre fuel economy, and handling that could best be described as like making love in a hammock, the Ford sub-compact would be the only one left in the bar come closing time. The cast-iron 2.3 litre SOHC 4 would break out a sweat in the attempt to produce its meager 88 ponies, and most of those were sucked up by the available 3-speed auto, which also swallowed any driving fun there was to be had.

But this one's different- its sex-toy color and forever plaid interior may just speak to some strange fetish dragon lurking below a potential buyers surface. And in it's 31 years, it's claimed to only have rolled its odo 39,179 times. That's only about four opportunities a year for somebody to shove the fuel nozzle deep into the Pinto's filler tube, filling it with gushing golden life-juices and pegging its fuel gauge erectly to E. That would explain the virginal nature of the vinyl and skimpy cloth interior, which is also comes in a tone of lurid, Hustler-infused Burberry plaid.


Who knew, back in the day, that Ford would offer a color palette for the Pinto that included the shade "Pud"? Perhaps it was an attempt to capture the pervert market that year? And also in 1978, the Pinto featured a frameless glass hatch over the gaping hole in its rear, which allowed salacious see-though moments for the unfortunate little car, but would also allow it to swallow your so-called "generous package". That hatchback body style, iconically identifiable as a Pinto, along with the lewd hue of this particular car, immediately brings to mind that fun-for-the-whole-family aerobic accouterment- the butt plug, and with the four-banger it'll vibrate too!

So is $2,999 a fair price for the opportunity to say hello to my little friend!? Or is that too much to just live out your Ace and Gary fantasies?


You decide!



Seattle Craigslist, or go here, if the ad goes flaccid. Hat tip for the tip to Solracer.

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