BMW E30 Wagon, Nissan Skyline GT-R, Honda CX500: The Dopest Cars I Found for Sale Online

I used to be a Wagon Guy. I had my Legacy GT, with its unknowable and unreasonable amount of horsepower, and it was Good. It helped me move, shuttled more passengers than it had seats, and earned me not one but two speeding tickets. Yet, it was still too big — too much car for my needs.

Maybe, if I’d bought an E30 instead, I’d still own it. Especially one like this — original red paint, yellow lights, and Euro-spec right-hand-drive. Of course, now that I live here in Brooklyn, I have no need for vehicles with so many doors, wheels, and cubic feet of cargo room. But if you have such a need, look no further.

The Cobalt SS is one of few cars that could be purchased both turbocharged and supercharged, from the factory, without changing the car’s generation. It was an American entry into the early-aughts import tuner scene, so it’s unloved and largely overlooked, but they’ve aged shockingly well. I dare say the Cobalt is one of the best-looking cars of this millennium.

This, unfortunately, is not a Cobalt SS. Despite the badging, despite how many times the ad specifies “SS,” this is just a regular Cobalt. But while that means you lose the forced induction of the Super Sport, you gain something with the base model here: Looks. The base Cobalt looks better than the SS, and I will die on this hill.

The seller calls this R32 GT-R a “true time capsule,” and the car’s condition seems to fully back that assessment up. It looks almost showroom-fresh, save for a few scuffs and scrapes through its paint. Even the engine bay looks immaculate, as well as looking shockingly stock. An R32 that hasn’t been besieged by Initial D fans, pod filters in hand?

Well, not yet. You, dear reader, could be that fan. Someday I hope to be that fan, someone who can take Nissan’s precise engineering and just royally fuck it up with mods ordered via Google Translate. I can’t yet afford it, I likely never will, so I implore you — ruin this car in my stead, so that I may do it vicariously through you.

Realistically, this is what I’m shopping for this week — bikes. New York is tightly packed, parking is a struggle, and two wheels just make more sense around here. But if I had room for four wheels, I may still split them between two vehicles — one practical, modern, fuel-injected bike, and one of these.

I’ve always thought these CX500s were interesting, Honda putting on its best Moto Guzzi impression with a longitudinal V-twin engine. I’ve never ridden one (or a Guzzi, for that matter) but I hear you never want to go back once you’ve tried it.

This Mercedes is a little janky, and for that I love it. Too many luxury cars of this era are immaculately preserved, kept in climate-controlled bubbles in hopes that their values remain equally inflated. But this 250SE is just kind of sitting in the grass, its body panels almost aligned. It’s been used.

The mileage reflects this, with six figures on the odometer. This car’s seen miles, taken road trips, hauled people around. It’s gotten the chance to actually be a car, not just an object of value. Keep using it as such.

Folks, we found it: The world’s sketchiest van. The long wheelbase devoid of windows is a good start, but the misaligned bash bar up front really adds to the flavor. Then you see “Dr. Playground” on the side, two words that could sort of apply to reasonable people on their own but make for a horrid combination when mashed together.

Finally, you see the utter disrepair. Rust, rot, faded paint and rattlecanned logos. This van may not have a sordid history in reality, but try telling anyone that when you roll up to the local vanlife meet. Vans truly do not get sketchier. Gold star.

Oh hey, I know these. I may have sold my G310GS last week, but that doesn’t mean I think any less of the model. In fact, my time with the baby Bimmer made me realize just how great these bikes are for beginners — I’d highly recommend one to anyone who’s considering motorcyling.

Now, does that mean this one is worth nearly $1,000 more than I got for my 670-mile example? Almost certainly not. Sure, the windshield is a good upgrade, but I had the same one. The top box is a definite bonus, as are the tires, but things like LED bulbs just aren’t worth the premium over sticker. Lowball this seller, and get yourself a fantastic starter bike.

Just yesterday, the topic of the Genesis Coupe came up in the Jalop offices. Specifically, one question around the car: What happened to it? You used to see this around all the time, gallivanting with BRZs and street racing against WRXes, but now they all seem to have disappeared. Where did you go, Genesis Coupe?

Even looking around for one for this Dopest, I mostly found four-cylinder models like this example. Did all the sixes crash? Were they wrapped around trees by young owners with more confidence than skill? That’s almost certainly it.

Hot take: This may actually look better than a first-generation Mustang. There’s something about the Cougar as the underdog, the also-ran against the One True Pony Car, that makes this one so appealing to me. Then again, I own a Telecaster and listen to Neutral Milk Hotel, so this may be more a reflection on me than on the Cougar.

But look at the paint! This satin black, its uneven application. This is not a car that’s been respected, and you all know how much I love a car that’s never seen a kind day in its life. Whoever buys this car should never cover the primer, just leave it as-is. It’s better this way.

This is a seller after my own heart. Bought a wagon, used it for Wagon Things, and now no longer needs the cargo room. Swapping your practical car for something compact, nimble, and fun is a time-honored tradition. Even when your practical car is as Jalop as a Volvo 240, sometimes you need a change.

But that change presents an opportunity: You, reader, can now enter your Wagon Phase. It’s like the middle Pokemon evolution, after “young kid with fun car” and before “empty nester with a Corvette.” I assume all Pokemon evolutions are based on traditional aging roles. I have not played the games.

Oh hey, speaking of Corvettes. C5s maybe the best value in Vettedom, better-performing (and better-looking) than the C4 without the prices of the C6, but this one is... expensive? What gives?

Well, that price is driven up by two little things hidden in the back of the car: Turbochargers. This seller claims to have purchased the Corvette with its induction already forced, so there aren’t any dyno sheets or claims of horsepower included, but that just makes for a fun mystery. Take it to the dyno yourself, see how it does.

I’m not sure I can do better than the seller’s copy for this Bentley, so allow me to include some of it here:

1951 BENTLEY MKVI/SILVER DAWN!

ONE OF THE MOST EQUISITE VINTGAGE ANTIQUE AUTOMOBILE ON THE ROAD.

*****ATTENTION! LIMO COMPANIES “PURCHASE THIS INCREDIBLE CLASSIC! GET $500.00 + PER HOUR, FOR ALL EVENTS!!!!

Typos aside, the styling of this Rolls really is exquisite. There’s an air of superiority to it, like whoever’s riding inside has the power to upend your entire life — and would do so without a second thought.

I know we had a TW200 entry recently, but I swear there’s no secret Yamaha Lobby running the show here. I don’t even hold any particular love for the little TW, honestly. You all just keep making such interesting modified versions, I can’t help but put them in Dopest.

Just look at this! The brat seat, the number plate, the brown grips. It’s perfect, perfect in every way. Someone buy this, and give it the life in the woods I can’t supply here in Brooklyn.

Ah yes: An entirely normal pickup truck. With the stock motor and fenders, and no additional methods of aspiration involved. This is just a regular daily driver, a work truck for hauling mulch from Home Depot. Nothing to see here.

Okay, fine, maybe there’s an enormous turbo sticking out the chopped-up hood. And perhaps that turbo is connected to an LQ9 V8, which is itself bolted to a six-speed manual sending power to the rear wheels. But besides that, it’s totally reasonable. Deduct it on your taxes.

You’re familiar with the Lexus LS, the car that started the brand and paved the way for years of Predator grilles. But this isn’t quite that. It’s something else — not quite different, but not quite the same either, like a little peek into an alternate reality.

Or, just a peek into Japan. The Lexus badge isn’t a thing over there, so our LS was their Celsior. Personally, I think that’s a much better name, and Lexus should adopt it stateside for all LS models moving forward. Trust me, I have a marketing degree.