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Commenter of the Day: You Knew This Was Coming Edition

Illustration for article titled Commenter of the Day: You Knew This Was Coming Edition

It's funny, cause yesterday POLAR won the COTD. He did. For rizzle. But due either to my post Rose Bowl hangover (not likely) or the gerbils in the hamster wheel eating the brown acid (ding ding ding!) that post is lost forever. I loved the title, too. "Commenter of the Day: Salty Ferrous Oxide Edition." Oh well, turns out POLAR gets the award today as well.


In fact, not one, but two Jalopnikers IM'd me to recommend POLAR's sing-songy commentsfor COTD status. And both were from the same post — the DOTS Plymouth Fury III. Of course, I'm an ass-man, so here's why POLAR wins:

Oh, my, god. Murilee, look at her butt. Its so big. *scoff* She looks like, one of those rap guys' gang cars. But, y'know, who understands those rap guys? *scoff* They only drive things like her, Because, she looks like a total bad ass, 'kay? I mean, her butt, is just so big. *scoff* I can't believe its just so long, its like, out there, I mean - gross. Look! She's just so ... BIG!

[SIR POL-A-LOT]:....

I like big Fury's
And i can not lie
you other brothers can't deny
That when a Fury drives in
It lacks such taste
and its looks are in your face
you get sprung,
want to pull out your tongue
'cause you notice the butt
was stuffed
Deep in the sheet metal she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't
stop staring
Oh Fury, I want to get in ya
and take your picture
My Jalops tried to warn me
but with that butt you got
makes me wanna beep horny
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-bends
you say you want to get in my hands?
Well, use me, use me,
'Cause you ain't got average groupy
I've seen that suspension dancin'
The hell with romancin'
She's sweat, wet,
Don't need to be going like a turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' small butts are the thing
Take the average Jalop man
ask him that.
She gotta pack much back
So, fellas! (yeah) Fellas!(yeah!)
your wagons and camino's got the butt?
(Hell Yeah!)
Tell 'em to shake it!
(shake it!)
Shake it!
(shake it!)
Shake those handy, fill-able butts!
Fury got back!

Fury got back!

I like 'em square, and big
and pack you up when I'm throwing gig
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh
I ain't talkin' bout Civics

'Cause silicone parts
are made for toys
I want 'em real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
This Jalop's in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of that Fury
'cause I ain't in no hurry
Small trunk econos
Can't touch what she holds
You can have them minivans
I'll keep my cars like Flo Jo
A word to the thick DOTS,
I wanna get with ya
I won't let other cars hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna
Cruise Till the break of dawn
Baby got it goin' on
A lot of Jalops may not like this song
'Cause them punks like to
hit it and quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
'Cause the Fury's long, and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on
So, ladies! {Yeah!}
Ladies! {Yeah}
If you wanna role in my Fury {Yeah!}
Then turn around! Stick it out!
'cause this white boy's got to shout
Fury got back!

Fury got back!

Tomorrow we're expecting some Furry action. You heard me.

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NO FURRIES. Lord knows this place has already been infected by other unsavory parts of the internet. The only scritching I want to know about is when I launch my car and bark the tires in 2nd.