At $8,999, Would Buying This 1979 BMW 733i Limousine Be A Stretch?

Illustration for article titled At $8,999, Would Buying This 1979 BMW 733i Limousine Be A Stretch?
Photo: Craigslist
Nice Price Or Crack PipeIs this used car a good deal? You decide!

Nothing says social distancing on the road better than today’s Nice Price or Crack Pipe BMW E23. That’s because this 733i limousine features a divided driver and passenger space. Let’s see what safe motoring might cost these days.

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At one point in time, Humvees were all the rage, so much so that General Motors bought the brand that made them, and expanded the model line with bastardized versions of their other trucks.

Today of course, Hummer and its line of square-jawed, Tonka-truck styled vehicles are all but a memory. Well, a memory and a bunch of used cars. Yesterday we looked at a precursor to those, an ex-National Guard soft-top that was claimed to have been rebuilt in 2008. It looked very clean—and very green—but at $25,000 it didn’t look fiscally lean, and eventually fell in 66 percent Crack Pipe loss.

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When you go to a fancy-pants engagement—Oscar party, global leader funeral, or to shop at your local Whole Foods—how do you envision your arrival? Naturally, you picture yourself showing up in a limo, gliding to the curb with your attentive chauffeur trotting around once stopped to open your door with a flourish. That allows you to make an entrance apropos to the caliber of any event.

Illustration for article titled At $8,999, Would Buying This 1979 BMW 733i Limousine Be A Stretch?

That’s how I imagine rolling once it’s okay for all of us to go out again—showing off our conspicuous consumption to our lessers. Another, perhaps unconsidered, benefit of riding in a limo is the partition that separates the driver’s compartment from the luxurious accommodations of the rear passenger suite.

While that is a literal class divide, it’s also a safety barrier between you and your driver, allowing you both to sneeze, cough, and fart with impunity, and without fear of sharing whatever evil is carried in those emanations with each other.

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Illustration for article titled At $8,999, Would Buying This 1979 BMW 733i Limousine Be A Stretch?

I think that all makes owning a limo the new normal. Plus, with something like a quarter of the population out of work these days, finding a good driver shouldn’t be all that hard. After all, in that movie Parasite, they seemed to be a dime a dozen.

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Of course, you don’t want to go out and buy just any old limo to fart around in. No, this car is not going to just be an advertisement of your affluence but of your automotive acumen as well, and that’s why this 1979 BMW 733i limousine has got to be your ticket to ride. I mean, geez, just look at it!

Illustration for article titled At $8,999, Would Buying This 1979 BMW 733i Limousine Be A Stretch?
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The ad is extremely succinct in its description, but then why not just let the pictures do the talking? It does note—in expensive-looking ALL CAPS as well—that this is “VERY RARE GERMAN CLASSIC.” It also reveals that it is “BUSINESS LIMO EXTENDED,” and that it was “IMPORTED FROM GERMAN.” That’s some impressive exposition, but perhaps you’re not sold yet.

Illustration for article titled At $8,999, Would Buying This 1979 BMW 733i Limousine Be A Stretch?
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The car is said to be mechanically reliable and to sport a very clean body. That body appears to be in Alpine White and rocks a center stretch between the front and rear doors skinned in what looks to be re-purposed door panel. Three opera lights fancy-up the padded upper area on each side, amidst body-colored trim. Capping all that is a padded roof that constrains the rear window opening to priest hole dimensions and likely covers the welding scars from the stretch.

The front cabin looks terrific, featuring a clean and un-cracked dash and leather seats that appear intact. There’s a gaudy aftermarket head unit in the dash, but if you’re the help, who are you to complain? Power windows and seats give the driver a taste of how the other half lives.

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Illustration for article titled At $8,999, Would Buying This 1979 BMW 733i Limousine Be A Stretch?

That other half is luxuriously ensconced in the back with ample legroom and a mirror-lined mini-bar with TV for all your virtual happy hour entertainment. It’s fancy without being excessively gauche.

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Under the hood lies a 3.2-litre M30 straight-six. That 177 horsepower engine is paired with a three-speed automatic. That’s good since nobody wants some schlub trying to figure out a stick shift while you’re in the back trying to enjoy the morning’s first vodka and tonic.

The ad notes a clean title but doesn’t mention the mileage. An attempt to sell the car on eBay about two years ago noted 9,414 kilometers on the clock at that time. That ad also claimed the car to be Euro-spec although it’s obviously carrying U.S. bumpers and lights so take that with a grain of salt.

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Illustration for article titled At $8,999, Would Buying This 1979 BMW 733i Limousine Be A Stretch?

The price for this luxurious—and safe—limo? The asking is $8,999 and it’s now time for us to vote on whether or not that is a deal.

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What do you think, is this 733i limo worth that kind of cash? Or, does that price make this anything but the Ultimate Riding Machine?

You decide!

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Detroit, MI Craigslist, or go here if the ad disappears.

H/T to Earl Snake Hips Tucker for the hookup!

Help me out with NPOCP. Hit me up at rob@jalopnik.com and send me a fixed-price tip. Remember to include your Kinja handle.

Rob Emslie is a contributing writer for Jalopnik. He has too many cars, and not enough time to work on them all.

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DISCUSSION

splendid-fairywren
Splendid Fairywren

The mirrors are the best part, because nothing says “Opulent Road Trip” quite like staring at my own, richly adorned ‘gina, while we cruise along at 70 mph on the pantsless highway to freedom.