It’s Halloween and what better car to have for today’s Nice Price or Crack Pipe than one that’s described as being so fast it’s scary. We’ll still have to see whether this trick car’s price proves to be a treat.
As Red Green so sagely advised, if they don’t find you handsome they should at least find you handy. Sadly, not even Green’s trusty duct tape could have made yesterday’s custom 1991 Plymouth Voyager handsome. Not only that but its back-straining method of accessing the bed wasn’t even at all handy. Thus failing on both of those criteria, the truck’s $4,500 price also failed to make the grade, ending up in a massive 84-percent Crack Pipe loss.
Trick or treat
Smell my feet
Give me something good to eat
If you don’t, I won’t care
I’ll pull down your underwear
— Sir Walter Scott (b. 1771, d. 1932)
Halloween is by far my favorite holiday of the year. When else do we get to pig out, scare and be scared, and see people in awesome/salacious costumes, all in the name of good clean fun?
The tradition of Hallowe’en, or All Hallows (spirits) Eve has its roots in Western European paganism, and goes back for centuries.
We’re not going that far back—or that far away—for today’s candidate, only as far as to Reagan-era America. Still, to use the vernacular of Tommy Chong—who’s from even another era—this 1986 Buick Regal T-Type “Wolf in Sheep’s clothing” does seem to be pretty far out.
It started out as a standard G-body Regal coupe, which with its available turbocharged 3.8-litre V6 engine, was that platform’s performance standard bearer.
This one goes that base one better, or maybe ten better as all its mods are conspire to make it what’s claimed to be a ten-second car. Now, as my wife tells me, something lasting ten seconds is perfectly adequate, and nothing to be ashamed of, so I’m thinking that’s a good thing here.
The ad says that the car is “built to the hilt” which is my new favorite phrase, and runs on 25-pounds of boost from its intercooled snail. The car has 65K on the chassis, and only 1,500 on what’s described as as an “all new upgraded drive train.”
Aesthetically, the car comes across as a bit scrappy. In fact, the “Ugly Buick” decal in the back window pretty much sums it all up. Still, there’s no major damage or rot here, and the car appreciably maintains all its plastic bumper trim. Fat Hoosiers on Weld wheels fill the arches, and behind those lie disc brakes at each and every corner.
The tranny is an automatic, and that remarkably is running through the stock T-handle shifter rather than some sort of Hurst hell-raiser. The rest of the interior presents as fairly clean, with extra gauges sprouting here and there.
The Buick’s stock instruments are pretty fantastic too, featuring a horizontal speedo (why can’t those come back from the dead?) and thermometer-style gauges for the boost and engine revs.
While this Regal may seem set up for facing Christmas trees all the live-long day, it’s still said to be street legal, and carries a clean title and Ohio historical vehicle plates as proof. It may not be the sleeper its seller claims—after all, check out the angle of its dangle which seems all kinds of ominous—but it’s not wack-a-doodle. It’s so subtle in fact that were an ‘80s horror flick, this could easily be the killer’s car, or maybe that of the jock who gets offed first. Eff those guys!
We don’t scare easily though, right? And because we don’t, we’re now going to vote on this hot rod Buick’s $12,995 price tag. What do you say, does this “scary” Regal’s price reflect its presentation? Or, is that just too much to go knocking on it door?
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